12.48am and wide awake

slept too much for the past 3 days… and now, all i can do to induce sleep is to either read a book, or… blog. 

*blows off dust from blog*

what a good 5 months. 

what has happened these 5 months? seriously, nothing much.

how much have i grown in these 5 months? not much either.

but my grandma has grown….. weaker as the day passes by. she’s dropping a lot of hair…. can see her pale snow scalp on her left. she doesn’t laugh out loud anymore. but thank god she can still say "aye aye" quite loudly to get our attention 🙂 small little things mean a lot when a person’s like this… doctors have given up. recommending end of life care instead where a nurse and doctor just visits our place once fortnightly. i’m learning to be patient…. to stay by her side silently, even if she doesn’t talk to me.. i guess a loved one’s presence by her side is greatly appreciated and comforted?

at times i wonder if i should talk about Daddy to her. tell her more about what kind of Daddy i have… and how he loves us. but i don’t know if she’s receptive to it. at times she nods her head when i ask if i can pray for her. at times she frowns. throws me in a state of confusion.. i guess i should just keep praying…

something nice has been happening. out of this crisis. my mum’s cousin has been a great help. i never really know her, except that she has a cute little dog. and seriously, it was until today that i realised ahem… her dog has the same calibre of crystal… LOL… (talk about being  a proud owner) but seriously! i seldom find dogs as pretty as crystal! but this snowball! is super duper pretty~ just like crystal. hehehe… okay back to the topic. the cousin has been a great help. in all ways… and even when i had fever this afternoon, she was so nice to go help me get some stuff to help ease the fever 🙂 small little blessings here and there in our lives. its hard to count your blessings when the going gets tough. but trust me, when you start counting, u seriously would feel life gets a wee bit easier~

office. NO GROWTH IN MY SALES CAREER. but found some gems in the office 🙂 what do i mean?

well, lately things have been happening in the office and i could see clearly who i should mix around with more, and who i shouldnt. sad to say… people you trust arent always trustworthy. one could still get back at you.

i always have an innard feeling that i could be successful in whatever i set out to be. just that this, i’m still on uneven ground. and my growth is so slow. people in the office whom i’m close to have told me "i think u r not suited to do sales"….. sucks to hear something like that. my morale and ego took a beating.

then came this "ah lian" lady, who told me "no one is not suited to do sales. it’s up to whether u want to do something about it, or not" alas, something encouraging. in the past i would ask my buddies at work how do they do it. they could never give me answers that could really help me. one said "i dont know, i just pray a lot"…. yes God will help… but is there a systematic way to go about doing the sale? i mean i’m just a lost sheep trying to find my way among the uneven stone.

saturday, i believe my help came. this "ah lian" lady – eve…… she’s very nice. we went out for lunch together with her bf and both of them pointed out my mistakes and told me a certain kind of process that i should follow in every sales call. i think it’s constructive feedback. what i’m happy about is that….. finally i feel someone really cares. and one who is not selfish. 

i remember i was vexed cos i haven’t broken my egg and i told my buddy (who already has 5 cases in her pocket that month). she prayed. i smiled. then she prayed this "dear god… let me close 8 cases". i rolled my eyes. how sensitive!

through this, i know who really are my friends. and i just wanna thank daddy for giving me eve 🙂

hope from now onwards, i will get the breakthrough that i need. i need to be successful!