simply elated.

went for my favourite lecture – LBO this morning. presently, it’s still my favourite cos it’s by far the most interesting one. though things have been a breeze for the past 2 lectures – familiar information, things are starting to complicate. nah not really… but there are different things to be taught. oh well… i hope i’ll excel in this module. actually i have the confidence to excel in pbf and lbo. econs… is attainable though not guaranteed. math… i probably have to burn the whole set of notes and drink it. yes, yes, practice!

 

borderline day till i saw someone.

 

a stare, a smile and gasps!

 

floods of childhood memories came rushing through my brain in waves. or floods. her captivating smile.. those nice white set of teeth! the ever so prominent dimples! and her unmistakenable skin tone. JS!!!! man i felt like hugging her, but i didn’t. don’t ask me why. but it was really nice seeing her again!!! goodness… we said a sentence like,"we have met during the first stage of studying and the last – primary and university" that’s so cool… i love her like i never have to any of my friends. she’s the most honest, most truthful friend i’ve ever had. haha! aww…. anyway, i think i’ll be "dating" her out for lunch on fridays! together with her gorgeously cute friend LL 🙂 behold friendship!

 

oh.. and her brother. GOD. he was a rascal back in those days. as JS puts it, a late bloomer. he’s accepted into NTU! how cool is that! it’s all good…. the best of all, her dad still remember me!!! haha… that’s what happens when you keep going to one’s apartment. i went to JS’ house everyday after school without fail.. lol.

 

alritey…. better restrain. but i’m really, truly excited to see her again.

 

*smiles smiles smiles* 

yowza

woohoo! i saw timothy rodrigues today!! that chao buaya… LoL. oh anyway.. tim’s my lecturer back in polytechnic. he used to teach me digital video and music, audio. he seemed kinda surprised when he saw me. as if i wasn’t dejected enough that i’m switching courses for career prospectives’ sake, he gave me a huge "YUCKS" when i told him i was taking banking and finance. but he thinks it’s a smart move as.. well… most people in my previous course are medicre. that includes especially, yours truly 🙂 i’m not offended or anything. but it’s true. it takes a lot of energy to keep yourself above all in this subjective market of design and technology. u have to be the best.

 

i had pBf lecture today. and my secondary school friend, sam, is in the same class as me. back in those days, we could talk somewhat freely. she wasn’t my close friend, but she was my close friend’s buddy. they were very close and we even went out together. i even celebrated her birthday for her. so things were not that bad. however, it’s getting really awkward. so awkward that i don’t wish to face her at all. i’m just at a loss of words when i see her. it’s just like "hi, bye". there’s really nothing to talk about. not even school. since her campus life is so bustling with activities, it’d be boring to ask her only about school work, eh? i bet she feels the same way too. cos if she doesn’t, she’d have somehow talked somethin to me, which she didn’t. i may be over-reacting, but… my instincts are often right. now i have another task to pass – we’re in the same tutorial group. which means it’ll require us to discuss tutorial questions as a group – it’s like a group assignment thingy where we’ll have to present in class. oh well, hopefully it’s a blessing in disguise. we might just talk freely again.

 

i’m trying to complete my assignment in a few hours time…. oh well…. this is really what i get for being a lazy ass.

happy

cool.. my cousin’s got a scholarship!! from where, i don’t know. but he’s a smart one… cream of the crop. from victoria school to vJ to nus materials engineering! i wish i was 60% of him… ahha…. oh well, i feel happy for him. at least with a scholarship it lessens one’s burdens financially. yet it adds pressure for one to do well – but it’s all good.

 

cheng bought me an mp4 player the day before. luv it, if not for the battery life . and siti got me a sasha bear – it’s really adorable. luv it to bits! ahha….

 

another day of slogging. goin gym later.. (but i’m feeling hungry already) meeting clarence and then goin for tennis. after that, i’m gonna work full time on my essay. saturday and sunday will be dedicated to Calculus.

music is the language spoken by the universe

today’s a really vibrant day. not that i had a lot of fun or anythin, but the apartment opposite my block’s having a wedding ceremony!!! haha not just an ordinary one. not a chinese wedding. nor a malay. it’s an indian wedding.

 

at first i didn’t know if it was a funeral or a wedding. i heard drums and cymbals. and a trumpet of some sorts. we all know music speaks for the soul. yes, it sounded kinda ceremonial. happy beats. man… they’ve been partyin till now. how i wish i could just fly right outta my window and join them there – unnoticed. this is so surreal!!! it’s not often i get to see this. in fact, it’s my first time. haha… i had a glimse at a group of people walking about in circles. the guys are half naked, beating their drums hung around their necks. aww it’s so wonderful!!!! quick!! any indian, please invite me to ur wedding!!! *lol* grandma is so amused that i get myself so excited over the activity going on next door. haha.. but it’s really sending good vibes all over!!!!

 

suddenly, a lion dance lorry passes by at the road in front. more percussion. but those are rather monotonous. i prefer the indian sounds. haha… i remember i almost went deaf while i was learnin the cymbals with the lion dance troupe. ouch. i really didn’t want the cymbals to affect my ears… my ears are quite sharp, as far as i know!! but anyway, i’m out.

 

don’t understand what the indian man is singing, but it sure sounds nice. i can’t stop myself from visualising women clad in their colorful saris and fully mascara-ed lashes dancing around with their guys in sarongs. soooo niiiccccceeeeeeeeeee…

 

alright. i shall keep my excitement to myself since there’s really no way i can write it down in words. i could go on and on exclaiming and no one will understand.

 

rock on!

animal planet

papa just brought back a starhub digital box and we’re previewing each and every cable channel and i think it’s damn cool! i’ve listed out some programs i think i CAN’T live without. one of them would definitely be Animal Planet. people can’t live without MTV. but i don’t really watch tv… and mtv can’t make me glue to the tv.. but animal planet rawks like nothing in the world. call me sentimental, but animals never fail to rub me. in all ways. lol. when i see the amazing things that animals can do, it just melts my heart and my heart gives itself a lil squeeze and a drop of tear rolls down. dramatic, eh? but that’s how i am… i love crystal even more now. it’s good to have a dog or an animal you love.. people are not as trustworthy as animals. animals can’t give you support or good advice, but they’re like living and walking diaries. yet better. they give you comfort when you most need them. well, at least if u were to carry them they can’t run away and you won’t feel rejected that way too. lol…

was watching meekats manor (or sth like that) and man… mozart’s baby died because of silly *someone’s* mistake. he just left the newborn out in the open like that!!! poor baby died just like that. defenceless against the cold and sun. it died with its tongue sticking out. poor baby, poor baby… i felt for mozart. silly girl me…. that’s just me.

after sitting in front of the television for 4 hours, (heh) i think man, life is really beautiful. there are so many beautiful things around. in singapore, the common birds that we see are black, black and black. oh we could go on and on about colors. kaka. but really. there are birds which are multi colored. just like a rainbow.. colorful feathers, bright orange colored feathers, long tailfeathers.. beautiful beaks. birds of different sizes and beaks. man…. they’re really wonderful!!! ahhh~ i feel really at peace with myself watching these documentaries of animals. it’s just. ahh… exhiliarating maybe. i dont’ know…. i guess my dream holiday would be somewhere close to nature.

talking about holidays, let me list down the top 10 spots i wanna go:

1. ankhor wat
2. koyasan (i’ve been there, but i dun mind goin for a 2nd time!!!)
3. yosemite
4. niagra falls
5. grand canyon
6. myanmar
7. hainan island
8. tibet and bhutan
9. india
10. africa

up to number 5, i got stuck. lol. but these are quite close i guess… i’ll work hard at it!

one time

the first time is what it all takes to bring one’s impression and reputation down.

 

what i’ve tried to impress upon my relative years ago haven’t been remedied yet. since that day when i told her i wasn’t able to complete her website in 3 days, she deemed me as useless – till now, she still thinks i’m useless. sigh… i’m really leading a harsh life sometimes. but the fact is, things aren’t really bad for me as compared to poor souls out there who aren’t even given chances to live somewhat luxurious lives – and to enjoy the company of a lovely dog.

 

once someone asked me why didn’t i like meeting net friends. i didn’t tell him the answer. i told him something stupid "they’re perverts". he’s a net friend. lol. i guess "poof". i lost him – i didn’t feel really comfortable tlaking to him. no chemistry maybe-. actually the fact is that i feel inferior. believe it or not… people have ran away from me. in my earlier days, that is. not that i think i’m ugly. i think i look fine… it’s just my weight that stops me from being who i really am. i think i must be crazy, talkative, stunningly quiet. i try so hard to make myself so perfect cos i yearn to be accepted.. at least that’s what i think at the moment. g woulda said "that’s because u’re virgo". probably. i don’t even know myself.

 

wanni will shake her head if she reads this. once i was going through a period of depression. according to her, i didn’t smile as much and i didn’t realise. i received a message from her "what has happened to the cheerful, positive and optimistic ke ying we knew? please come back to ur original self!" i’m pleased to have such a friend who’s concerned about my well-being. but i believe this is yet another passing phase.. it happens. life has bumps, ups and downs. i do wish i can get over it soon. there are better things to look after than lard. heh.

 

u know, i’ve finally started on my pbf assignment. it’s harder to start than what i had imagined. but i’m still glad i pushed myself to start. now i’m just annoyed at the fact that i don’t have space on my table.

 

i was suppose to work at funnan today. but i’m really bleedin.. bloody detoxification of the uterus. lol. sent aaron lai ang an sms "sorry.. am at lecture bleeding to death. can u do without me today? menstrual cramps are terrible. if you don’t have enough people, i will brave the battlefield in pain and fight d a (rival company) with my blood" i think it’s amusing i can come up with such lame stuffs…. i better stop talking to qiu xiang during lecture. missed lots of LBO notes especially after the break. damn it. i saw qiu xiang’s notes – how come so full wan and mine’s like.. empty.

 

 

you one big piece of lard

muscles always weigh more than fat.

that’s what rachel says to defend herself when the vballers tease her about her weight. but well said. lol… i use it to bluff myself. but nah… i know deep down what’s wrong with my weight. and what makes it.

 

it’s embarassing that i know i need muscles to burn fat – yet i don’t do anything about it. raising the gym ball with my legs is a chore. damnit. 5 times and i’m panting. haha… sounds serious, but it’s actually not. i just didn’t wanna continue. dad was laughing at me. gran asked why aren’t i playin with my ball. and i did something stupid, which i won’t say. tsk tsk.

 

been thinkin about the topic my bro and i touched on some time ago. "chances". i felt that often, human make many mistakes and they ought to give chances. but sadly, we aren’t given a second chance. we’re rarely given second chances. he agrees… he knows the reality of this harsh society yet he ain’t doing anythin about it. he’s still living his half-fuck attitude. that brings me to my studies. this will be the last chance i’m gonna prove to my aunt that i’m not useless. i told her i’ll aim for a 1st class honours. gawdamnit. everyday i go to class and look around me. everyone is so attentive and alert. wise. intelligent. it’s so bloody competitive. it’s like a battlefield. lol. scary… but somehow.. i’ll try to work hard.

 

there’s so many things to do and so little time. or is it my plain laziness? i need to… prepare drafts of the adverts to show clarence. start on my pbf assignment. design greeting card. go to gym 5 times a week. work at it show this weekend. start thinking of how to play with my gym ball. touch up on the aloe vera picture for auntsy. start practicing math cos the test is in like 2 weeks. a lot hor?

 

sQ wasn’t wrong when she said i was a lazy bum. that’s why i love lazymofos. LOL. that’s a stupid thing to say. but watever.

new blog always gets more attention

i’m being rather consistent with this new blog!!! lol… i think msn spaces is rather cool. it’s kinda like multiply, yet much much more user friendly. don’t really like multiply, i don’t know why!!

 

anyways, i bought a gym ball from school at a good bargain ~ $15!!! it’s damn cheap for a 65cm ball =) and it’s a bright yellow color. i had a good time trying out the sticky ball (cos of it’s material. kinda pvc).. probably that’s why it’s $15. oh well, i’ll make do with it. bounced around with the ball and fell down a coupla times. mumsy laughed till her sides hurt. it took me like half an hour to pump up the ball… halfway, the screw of the pump came off and the pump lose control and "flew". hysterical. crystal, my silly dog, was scared stiff seeing a gigantic yellow monster bouncing its way after her she trembled. poor baby…. but well, i’m having fun with my ball.

 

i’d better catch up on my school work soon… been lagging a lot behind. especially math. oh well, practically every unit. damn.

fresh new start

i just formulated a time table. look. A TIME TABLE. for helping me manage my time and to ensure i’m not missing anything out. from the look of it…. i’ll not be having much time to rest and watch tv. to go out either. i realised everyday is PACKED!!! i wouldn’t realise it if i haven’t blogged here. damn.. better leave some lapse for relax time. you know how important fun and play is.

 

i’m gonna start doing fitnessfirst’s bodycombat. it’s a shame i haven’t done it before. it seems so fun… and tough, challenging. well…. i have my reasons. firstly, people i see in there are old timers. i’m afraid i’d be too slow in my reflexes i kick them when they’ve already came back to their positions. secondly, all of them have hot bods. i’m like humpty dumpty tryin to do kick boxing. lastly, my joint problems are holding me back. they’re kinda loose. nazir says i shouldn’t jump during body combat. but what’s body combat without jumping? but from next week onwards (this week is bummed since i came out with this splendid timetable only today and i’ll be working during the weekend), i’m gonna just kick all my worries aside and start combating the fat area. ha ha ha.

 

why the sudden change? there has been exceptional pressure around me – asking me to shed it all. my grandma, most importantly. i took up a challenge. if i didn’t lose visible weight, she will bring me to the doc’s. i don’t wanna go to the doc’s. it helps to lose weight, but ultimately, dieting and exercising is the key to successful weight loss. and i don’t wanna go there in false hopes. i will lose… but at the end of the day, my greed for food kills me. siti and sharifah says to be greedy is sinful in islam. i think i’m doubly, incorrigibly sinful. when i see food, i lose all inhibitions and eat in abandon. like some refuge though i’m not really hungry.

back to the people inflicting pressure on me. my dad (who never helps by cooking the best foods in the world), my mum (she’s dieting for health reasons), my aunt (the never ending supporter), my gran i already mentioned (she’ll get mad if she catches me gaining any more weight). clarence and henry (my mum’s friends).. they are bad. they kept picking on me. kept asking me to eat less and exercise more. yet they spoil me by buying me chocolate rich cakes and fatty banana balls. -_-"

 

oh well. this is not the first time i’m putting in effort to lose weight. countless times i’ve been telling people. but none of it ever yields results cos i give up after a week or two. but i guess this scenario is very common among people with a weighty problem. but i’m not about to give up a try this time round. despite the difficulty, i will still try. oh no, i MUST.

 

me at my slimmest

 

some pictorial fun =P it’s not really me. it’s just my face. but the measurements are quite close to mine…

lol

tsk tsk.

ghoulish says my friends look decent. are u, girls? lol..

probably YES. decent in the sense, not sexually wild maybe. Not party animals. How would u define decent, Anyway?

 

the world has evolved so much to the sense that sometimes we can’t even relate to words used then and now.

take for example "civilised". we like to call ourselves civilised human beings. in the uncivilised times, people eat with their hands, eat raw meat, practice cannibalism. then it all evolved to people cooking food before eating. and to be called "uncivilised" is when you talk loudly, barbaricly, vulgarly. now we have to ask ourselves what being truly civilised is because murders are happening everywhere. it’s as if the human race went one big round from being uncivilised, tried so hard to be civilised and back to where we began.

 

life’s an irony; it always is.