rotten day

what a rotten day today!

1. sprained my ankle while i was running cos the rubber of my heels were already worn off. couldn’t go movida. no free drinks either.

2. came back home and was halfway through my dinner when some idiot called and we quarelled till i went up to my room crying like shit and blaming God.

3. went back to finish my dinner and found out that my dad called an ex because i didn’t delete his number in the hp which i passed to my dad. then that ex’s girlfriend was mad cos i told her it was me, and i wasn’t even given the chance to explain it was my dad… and she hung up on me, called my ex, scolded him – who in turn called me to question my motives.

so tell me…. was it a rotten day?

optimists would say, it’s only 3 things. 

pessimists would say, you bet!

me? 

fuck it. it was rotten. i hope tomorrow will be a better day.

He has plans for you

and i’m dying to find out what His plans for me are!

i’ve been praying hard lately… though these few days i haven’t… but… it’s amazing! things are happening. things that i didn’t think would happen… are starting to happen. and i’ll continue to pray. and pray hard.

of course… i haven’t been happy lately. and i’m trying to make a difference. every day, we make choices. we can wake up each day and decide if it would be a great day, or a gloomy day. you yourself dictate your emotions. of course it’s all too easy to say… to put words into action is a chore, but i’m going to try it. i guess.. i’ve been feeling so much anger and pain for so long.. it’s time to let go. He says that in order to achieve what He has in store for us, we have to put our faith in Him and trust that everything will be alright, and let go of our past so that we can focus on what is to come! and i so wanna receive my plan!!! In a way, if i were to let go of the anger and pain… i’d be a stronger person… and I guess it’d mould me to be a person who is able to overcome rejections and hardship in my future job. being a salesperson is a tough job. but i’m willing to jump into the fire and emerge like the terminator. 

chargeeeee!!!!!!!

i have been reflecting and selecting my priorities over these 2 days… i’m working towards my new goal – to exceed my boss’ expectations of me. and i wanna improve my comm skills so that i can be a better sales person. i’m also working on improving my self esteem. i’m confident that i would achieve these 2 goals!!

achar!!!!!

thoughts

lately, i’ve been busy. which is good for me…. it takes my mind off "stuff". for 2 days, at least… i was without worries. my only worries was that i couldn’t eventually be converted into a sales staff, or that my work was sub-standard.

today was an even hectic day at work… i didn’t even complete my work and went off for training. hai. but on my way own, my mind was preoccupied with thoughts. thoughts of the past. i thought about the spheroids…. how we used to sing that song together…. how we used to spend hours and hours in the labs doing our assignments; in the studios doing our recordings and filmings… how i miss those times. then i thought about siti. babe, i thought about that silly song we composed. we had so much fun composing bubble pop songs in those days! don’t you miss it babe? 

i miss those days were i had a caring boyfriend. like durian. he was, i believe the only one, who would go the extra mile for me. he was one i believe who really loved me. but i didn’t treasure him – i threw him aside…. and fell for people i’m not suppose to fall in love with / who didn’t treat me right… durian, u were the best. but it’s too late now…

there is someone who has my heart now, though his heart is not with me… it’s been a long time. and every time i make a wish for my feelings for him to go away – vanish and go with the wind… but never once have i successfully did it. should i be like clanta, bury myself in work and eventually forget him? i need strength… u think it’s easy? i might tell u "i’m fine, i don’t love you anymore"… but who am i kidding, really? but then again…. what can i do to make this work? nothing. cos u’re out of bounds. u’re already taken. what do you expect of me… and why do you expect me to be around? when… there is someone who will hug u in bed every night, someone to cook for you, someone to care for u? i guess.. if you dno’t love me… there are people who will – my family. yes i’m kidding myself, but at least….. i know my family loves me. so people out there, next time when someone says he doesn’t love you… just remember your family loves you. sometimes i have the urge to just grab a guy anyhow on the street and just force him to be my boyfriend – so that i can forget you. but it’s not worth it. why must i be so love-hungry??!!!! idiotic. brainless pig!!!!! 

i guess i should focus somewhere else… like my career, and weight loss. 

i feel depressed today… sigh….