wednesday is coming

don’t know whether to be excited about it or to gloom over it. i am NOT PREPARED. don’t know how to carry on. sigh… I’m trying to print out zone A examiner’s report. and my printer stopped working. it always has got this connection error. it depends entirely on luck. sick! and to try to print in a non-aircon room sweating like a pig…. doesn’t help my temperament.

 

so.. i indulged in a cold glass of coke light! nice… it’s my only indulgence nowadays…. (in terms of my sweet cravings of course) i still eat lotsa carbs 😦 it’s so difficult to say goodbye to carbs unless you really start to reserve some time for cooking at least 2 meals a day.

 

i was downstairs playing with the girls a while ago. gave baby a raw hide. and decided to give crystal one so that she wouldn’t feel inferior. so baby has been chewing the raw hide since morning… and the moment i gave crystal a raw hide, baby pranced over. i tihnk she was curious. she loves being around crystal. but crystal hates her. so when baby tried to taste crystal’s rawhide, crystal started barking and bit baby. then…. they both started FIGHTING. not just barking at each other. but baby had her fore legs on crystal and crystal was trying to bite her and they were both still barking at each other. had to separate them. goodness…. two chili padis together. i don’t wanna see sambal.

help!

i don’t know how to NOT FAIL for my upcoming paper this wednesday :S oh my god. no hints, no nothing. i flipped through the examiner’s report for answers. there were only answers for 2008 papers. but the earlier papers? it just wrote "refer to chapter 5 of the subject guide" – when it’s a calculation question! wat the hell??!! how am i suppose to know which ones have i gotten right and which ones have i gotten wrong? so i thought my local lecturer would be able to help. i flipped through her slides. FUCK!!! NO TUTORIAL QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS!!!! okay i didn’t go for any of her lessons. but then i checked with a friend and she said she didn’t go through. so……. i guess we all die??? or is it my inconsistency? ah i don’t know. but i’ve lost all motivation to study. what’s the point of practicing when u’re like a headless snake? i can do so many questions and NOT KNOW if i’m on the right track. okay, i guess i still can concentrate on theory cos theory is just theory. you just need to answer whatever you have read. so not so tricky. and then the trickiest part is again…. we can’t spot questions. there is equal probability of topics coming out. so DUH!!!!! i wanna kill myself!

 

aiya. can fail 1 paper, i still can pass.

 

but really… that’s the last resort. 😦

 

2 more days… i just have to perservere. trying hard. every question that i do…. i don’t know if i’m on the right track. how to continue? HOW??!!!! ahhhhhh

 

i’m really losing my mind. ha!!!

 

side track: today baby did a very funny thing. she attempted to climb out of the crate… got stuck halfway when we saw her. she’s more like a kitten than a dog. but she’s hell of a naughty dog – total opposites from crystal’s character. and i think crystal hates her. they keep barking at each other. baby barks at crystal cos she wants to play and she’s excited. but crystal snarls then barks at her – you know what that means!

 

new pics – Beauty and the Clown

 

crystal is pretty. baby is… not exactly pretty. looks like a monkey. don’t u think so? so i’m thinking if crystal is too haughty to make friends with a clown. haha.. but she’s improving. at least she’s barking and not shivering whenever baby is around her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

if you notice, baby has got interesting ways of sleeping.

baby

baby is so funny… today i took a nap with her by my side. i set her just beside me, under my arms. then she couldn’t sleep. she kept walking all over the bed and over me. she finally settled at a spot which was very uncomfortable for me – right beside my neck. and she slept such that her body was like a ball and her head was just beside my mouth. it’s very funny… so i had to sleep like that. i tried moving.. but she also moved. lol funny girl…

half an hour later, the baby decided to switch positions. beside my bed is actually an empty shelf. she climbed INTO the shelf and fell asleep there. so funny…

she is so adorable. the old girl, as usual, is still afraid of dogs – still afraid of baby. they were fighting today. baby wanted to play with her but crystal was scared and i reckon she started barking since she was sick and tired of running away.. so baby barked back. amusing!

today my aunt said she’s going to take baby home after 2 months. i think after 2 months i would already have been deeply attached to the mischevious little girl.. so would everyone in the family…. i hope she changes her mind!

went to sengkang swimming complex today… damn fun! there are 6 slides and a jacuzzi. there’s even an indoor swimming pool! nice~ don’t need to go jurong to enjoy fun pools at the price of 1.50! haha..

did i hear u say exams? oh… i have one more paper left. and i’m super dejected with this paper. there are no tutorials… no questions and answers. i’ve been dreading to study that subject just because i was put off by the fact that i had no tutorials.. .but i have moved on! whether there are tutorials or not, i’ve already paid maybe 300 dollars for the exam. might as well CHIONG! even though i have no clue where i am going. wahaha

“no name yet” – my other baby

a new addition to the family. it’s suppose to be temporary… hopefully it becomes permanently!!! everyone is so smittened by this sweetie cream pie! she’s just 3months old and ever so active! today she started chasing my other baby around. poor baby… i think she’s been cooped up when she was young and haven’t been able to socialize much with the outside world. now she’s scared of everything. she’s even scared of sweetie cream pie. baby cream pie keeps wanting to play with her but she keeps running away!

 

yesterday was her first day home and she couldn’t sleep all night. kept crying.. then i moved her upstairs and put her in a little box.

 

and i just sneaked downstairs to see how she’s doing today. she’s having dreams. keep moving her tiny little feet.. at one point her hind legs bent so much they almost reached her head. haha.. so cute!!! adorable little puppy. very active. crystal wasn’t so active when she was a pup. but then again.. she’s still a pup. haha… might change eh? i hope one day crystal will come to love this little girl…

 

 

brought the old girl to the dog pool with the help of dia… she brought her two princes as well.. ahh… without her, i wouldn’t have brought crystal to such places… i should strive to get a car! but first – license!

 

saturday

yah, like you didn’t know. lol…

finally, done with one paper. one more paper to go!! and that’s the most shitty piece of paper – investment management. i dunno why did i ever take up banking and finance. i simply suck in numbers…. even failed the numerical test to be a pba. sigh! no fate la…. i guess i’m not really cut out to be a finance person. it’s a good challenge though. i never believed i’d score in math. i never believed i’d even like math. but now i seem to like it quite a lot. and my finance papers seem to score better than my other subjects. or is it accounts? same la… numbers. but everytime after my exams end i’ll forget whatever i studied for finance. hahaha!

can’t wait for hols to start…. well hols… is so far-fetched. i’m joining the work force soon! part of me still want to me a student because student life is so carefree… u do whatever you want, whenever you feel like it. you can skip class, you can wear slippers to class, you can go out after class…. so fun… when you start work, u always have to go to work no matter what, you have to dress up, you have to put make up. making up on sunny, hot days really puts me off. i look terrible. i look like i’m melting. eeks. but what to do? i don’t have porcelain skin. wahaha…

yesterday after my exams, i went out with birdie… so nice! so nice to go out with her again.. so fun. funny… she haven’t been sleeping for quite a while and yet she couldn’t sleep. so ke lian… lol… we had frolick! NICE… and after that… i went to look for dia… alamak – had yami. hahaha… yoghurty day. been feeling emo lately. 😦 

got discovered by nini that i was emo. haha… thanks nini for your encouragement. and to bro chris too…. i won’t let u down. i’ll give u the greatest birthday present by picking myself up and being happy 😀 my real bro yj is turning 21 in a while…. ahh finally he’s an adult. i hope he’ll learn how to be a responsible adult. tired of picking up his shit. 

dejected

what are friends, if they don’t encourage you? they discourage you? what are friends who discourage u from getting the job of your dreams just because u are horizontally challenged?

probably what a definition of a friend is, is that they will tell you the truth.

i tried many ways to convince myself that weight is not everything. after taking quite a while to build up my confidence, and i decided to tell some friends about my unsuccessful job hunts… they told me "it’s ur weight."

fuck. they just have to destroy whatever confidence i tried hard to build.

maybe they think it’s for my good that they are telling me the ugly truth. but it’s impossible for me to lose 40kg in 2 months, or 10kg in a month. so what? am i suppose to wait till i have shed all those kilos then i start job hunting? is that what u’re telling me to do?

or is it that i should give up ANY opportunities of interviews just because i’m not presentable – by reason of me being F.A.T.

and pple are telling me "so why did you start to lose weight only now? you should have done it a long time ago."

ya like it’s so easy. 

maybe i should just keep to myself. so that i will not allow any negative comments to get to me. allow me to be lost in my fantasy that this world is not 100% superficial. that chances of being hired is based 100% of looks? –> this is something i sternly DO NOT BELIEVE. it’s bullshit. u mean employers are willing to hire bimbos who are pretty but are airheads? okay maybe THEY ARE. fuck. i’m so irritated.

fuck the world. i hate everyone. 

and it doesn’t help that today, whatever people says seem to set me on fire. i almost flung my pedometre towards my dad when i found that my battery and its covering was missing. i dunno wtf happened. my pedometre screen was blank without its battery and cover. i was SO MAD i started screaming. then i guess my dad felt hurt he didn’t want to talk to me. BUT HE KEPT DENYING IT’S NOT HIM!!!!! how could it be? there wans’t anyone at home! okay, maybe it was the ghost. SURE OR NOT??!!!

why are there so many inconsiderate bastards in this world where they get happy running u down? why are there selfish people in this world who only care about their own happiness? why are there mad people who get very happy when they incur ur wrath? why are there greedy people in this world? don’t they know greed is very bad? do they not realise what the expense of being greedy causes? and how it affects people around them? argh….

i’m so uber irritated today!!!!!

and guess what, friday is my exam. i haven’t studied for a whole week. yay! me is sooo going to fail. shit shit shit shit shit. i’m such a loser. L-O-S-E-R. FAT LOSER. 

have you heard…

have you heard of the guy who insisted you be with him even though it’s not right?

have you heard of the guy who pulled you back whenever you felt that u had enough?

have you heard of the guy who talked like he was farting and regretting whatever he said the next moment?

have you heard of the guy who is so selfish as to just think of himself?

have you heard of the guy who was so scared of his own safety that he decided to end it all when he tried ways and means to make you stay by his side even when u don’t really want to?

have you heard of the guy who talked about marrying you and yet wants to back out now because of his conscience?

have you heard of the guy who does not have any conscience?

 

have you heard of the guy whom i want to hate?

have you heard of the guy which really, is a bastardized pig?