life

finally, that bloody intern is GONE!!! i am so happy!!!! never do i need to face another lifeless face beside me anymore!!! YES YES YES!!!!! i’ve never hated someone so much!!! bloody hell!!!!! i hate u i hate u i hate u!!!!! cocky face!!! si lang bin!!!! si ren lian!!!! kanasai!!!!!! gor sai on ur face!!!! knnbccb!!!!!!!!

 

he’s gone. but i’m scared of the challenges i have to face. i’m scared that he was too good, and if i can’t reach the expections my bosses have of me because either i’m not there yet, or because of this guy’s ability, their expectations of me heighten. sigh!

 

today, i went to my grandaunt’s cremation. it was a really sad sight. i didn’t feel anything at first because i wasn’t close to her – i only see her once a year. but when we were in the viewing hall, we saw the machine pushing the coffin into the furnace and her children, grandchildren all started crying… i started sobbing too. it just gets to you like a flu bug. suddenly everyone was tearing.

 

😦 oh well. life!!

 

yesterday, i finally met up with HIM and his gf. i appeared to be alright… but actually when we bid our goodbyes, i felt emotional. i couldn’t smile, i couldn’t laugh. or maybe i didn’t want to. or it could also be because my mother sent away the jack russell which stayed overnight at my place. i fell in love with it. it’s so adorable, so playful… like how a real dog should be. not like my scaredy dog, Crystal. and it’s suppose to be "scaredy CAT", not dog!!!! goodness…

 

………….

 

suddenly, i don’t feel like typing anymore. it’s like i don’t feel the urge to blog anymore. i may think about blogging the whole day, but when i actually get to it.. i realise i don’t really wanna write. why ah??

 

the last strong link

today, my mak-mm-poh (grand aunt) passed away. she was the last person in my grandfather’s family who continued donning the kebaya into recent times. she always looked good in her kebaya. she was fair, plump and i could tell she was a beautiful woman when she was young.

 

gone are those chinese new year visits where we would kneel down in front of her, offering 2 mandarin oranges and saying "mak mm poh, panjang panjang umo"… but panjang umo she was… she lived way past her 80s. i heard my relatives say that before she died, she called my late grandma’s name, "ah muey…"… maybe grandma was there lookin at her.

 

first it was mak-mm-poh.. then it was my grandma… and now her. now they’re all reunited in heaven, just like before. kawan-kawan.

 

haiz.. feel sad knowing that my pretty mak-mm-poh has gone off to join her kakis… but she must be feeling happy now. so will grandma and mak-mm-poh…

annoyed

annoyed with protocol. annoyed with nerds. i can’t communicate with people who are blunt! i can’t communicate with people who talk to me like i’m stupid! i wanna shuff a baseball bat up ur ass! maybe it’s just me being sensitive. but i really don’t like talking to people who dunno how to talk nicely.

 

if i’m do something wrongly, why can someone say "hey, do you think u missed out something" instead of "you do this for wat?"or if i did something wrong, can’t u just say something nicer other than "NO NO NO" or "WRONG WRONG WRONG"
and when i ask a question, why can’t that somebody just reply me instead of asking me "What did i tell u yesterday?"
if i remembered, i wouldn’t be asking u!!!
or telling me to "check ur notes". if i could find it easily, i won’t be asking u again!
and why don’t you try saying "u might want to take note" rather than saying "U’D better take this down". like what, am i ur slave?
the way he talks to me gives me the feeling that he can’t believe a person like me exists
and why must we always do steps 1, 2, 3 and not 2, 3 1
can’t i copy, paste, delete? why must i always delete, copy paste?
why must i waste my brain cells on remembering which spreadsheets already has Print Area set to it when i can see for myself through print preview?
i’m just feeling annoyed
like why must we always follow protocol
am i that bad, seriously?!
and why can’t people be patient!

 i am not a nerd. i am not a nerd.

 

that’s how the way he is. that’s how the way he talks.

 

i guess why i can feel this nerd rage is because… i feel inferior.  and i am angry with myself that i can’t match his expectations and his skill. but yet i always console myself that whatever he will never be good in, i will. like, for example, communication. but.. these can all be trained. i get angry with him because i always find a need to get defensive whenever my ego is punctured – in times where he makes me feel stupid, like "you put this here for wat?" fuck! cannot talk nicely meh? nao hia…

 

maybe sometimes i too talk like this. especially to pple whom i think are dumb or have a weird sense of thinking. i’ll only stop getting mad if i can get into his shoe. eeks i dun wan! i’m not a nerd!! no no.. not asking me to be a nerd. just to see what he’s thinking. i’m guessing, his thinking is.. "if u can do it this way, why do u have to do it another way?" but i’m explorative. why should i waste my brain cells remembering things that i can easily find out in a matter of seconds?

 

urgh. humans!!!

 

and something i find really really wierd is… he looks like darren from behind yet when he talks, it’s that of he quan’s. i cannot combine them together!!!

happy

i thought all hope was lost. it’s been 3 weeks and i thought i had failed miserably at my very first interview. got a surprise call this early morning from the HR vice president!!! I GOT THE INTERNSHIP!!!! yippee!!!!! it was unbelievable. i can’t believe i actually secured the position!!!! – even now, i still can’t believe it! a million thoughts raced through my mind like "u are the last person they ever wanted to hire" or "they hired you because the rest already found a job" that kinda thing… goodness…. even so… i think i should do my best and let it be known that they haven’t made a wrong choice!!!! i think i’m giving myself a lot of pressure though…. but after all, it’s my very first internship (the one at queensland uni of tech wasn’t really an internship), and the very first large corporation i’ll be working in!!!! and i hope to make the right impression so that my chances of getting hired by them next year will be greater!!! and especially when next year will be a bad year… oh well, i hope i’ll do things right!!!! yippee!!!! what seems daunting is the use of excel spreadsheets. functions like pivot table, macro… i’m still frantically trying to learn as much as i can in the next couple of hours. lol… though they said it’s not necessary for me to know.. but i should be prepared at least a lil bit so it’s not such a pain to teach me, yes? lol…. i think you can sense by now that i’m nervous about my first internship. haha…

 

alright.. going to get decent clothes now! ciao!! wish me all the best!!!

jokes

Coming into a bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, " I’m so pissed off!!!"

 

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

 

"gee, that’s tough!"

 

"Right, but that’s not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he said,"wow! u’re naked already. let me just take a leak." and he pissed out of the window right onto my head"

 

"yucks! no wonder u are pissed!"

 

"no no no… that wasn’t what really, really got to me. i had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window – onto my head."

 

"damn, that really is a drag!!!"

 

"oh, i’m not finished. what really really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. it turns out that thier toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"

 

"yucks, that would sure mess up my day"

 

"yeah yeah.. but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off??!!! WHEN I LOOKED DOWN AND SAW THAT MY FEET WERE ONLY SIX INCHES OFF THE GROUND!!!"