wah irritating woman lor

 

this morning, i woke my grandma up…. said Happy Birthday to her and kissed her. they’ll be celebrating her birthday for her tonight… but i can’t be around. i’ve already given her her present and celebrated with her on sunday…. so hopefully………. she won’t take it to heart 🙂 sometimes looking at her, i can feel my heart wrench… lately she seems rather weak. actually… for 3 weeks already………. it’s weird. i hope the cancer haven’t spread. when she was undergoing radiotherapy, she looked upbeat everyday. never looked weak for one moment. then now that she’s completed her sessions.. she slowly start to look weak again. what’s going on?!!

relapse?

i hope not.

 

recently, grandma has been complaining of pain in her thigh. brought her to the doc and when the doc learnt of her current medical condition, he suggested that the virus might have spread. it’s just a possibility, though not confirmed. i can’t imagine… she’s like this fit old lady who’s always smiling…. i can’t imagine that the stupid cancer cell isn’t cured. cancer really is deadly. if it doesn’t cause u death immediately, it draws life from u slowly. without u even knowing. hope it’s just an old ailment like rheumatism or muscle cramp… and not because some virus is eating her bones.

 

bee liap’s mum has been admitted into hospital…seems like a case of minor stroke. i hope she’ll stay strong… and hope her mum will recover soon enough!

 

speak of positive energy and ur universe will be filled with nothing but positive energy. let’s hope it works. but what a chore it is, to keep negative thoughts out of our minds. weird, but true!!! at least to me. i’m not an awfully positive person.

 

i had 2 meals free today. my colleague finally received his employment pass… after going down to m0m for like 4 times….. what a hard-earned eP!!! i’m sure u’ll treasure ur employment santos! he was so happy, he treated me to lunch. then after work, piggy treated me to dinner. haha how nice..

 

bought cheese sausages for tomorrow. wow… i can’t wait for tomorrow to come. 7th month starts midnight tomorrow. i wonder if ah mah will come visit us? maybe i should get some of her favourite food to place in my room???? i don’t know… it seems scary. but can she eat it like that? or do i need to offer joss sticks? i really miss ah mah a lot….. should i set up her bed.. so she can sleep with me? eerie huh…. maybe i should put some sweets in the drawer she so likes to look through her things at night…. should i place a picture of us both for her to see so she remembers me? will she sleep beside me and snatch my blanket and bolster away from me, like how she used to do to me, and i used to do to her? i really miss her loads…. we did many things together. i used to feed her her meals when walking became inconvenient. i used to put enema in her anus when she felt constipated. i used to bathe her when i felt i could share some of my love. I used to cry in front of her because i knew if i cried, she’ll always try to hug me though she’s smaller in size….. we did so many things together. i miss u grandma, do u miss me? ur grand daughter needs u…. will u come visit her this 7th month? 

giving up or gave up?

i’ve been working on this stupid javascript calendar and i don’t seem to know how to make it work. what’s best is that my colleague said it used to work, how come now it doesn’t. i’ve been working on the file, but since the day i began working on this file, i’ve never seen the calendar work. okay once, but that was a year ago.. before i even started working on this site. crazy?!!!

 

i can’t imagine spending one whole day and did nothing. seriously… what have i been doing the whole day? other than trying out scripts that don’t work.. i have no idea.

 

during lunch, i went to the market to pack food. on the way, went to ntuc and walked around… went to the chocolate and snacks counter, put in lots of stuff into the basket. took a second look. these are not the things i usually buy. these are the things he would buy when he goes to the supermarket. he loves chocolates. i think i’m crazy. so i put everything back.i kept thinking i was there shopping for him. lol… then i even looked at things that i wished to buy for his family. crazy right??!!! i won’t be lying if i said i thought i saw him. well no la…. i just visualised the very first and last time we went to this same supermarket… it was a really frustrating experience. cos i was always losing him. and to think i can still notice what food he buys. weirdo.!

 

then after lunch, i went to the pantry to refill two cups. this funny guy came out of the toilet he looked at me holding two cups, looked at his big bottle, and started chuckling. i think he’s crazy la… but of course.. i was just lazy to get my big bottle…. couldn’t find it this morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

beach pig

went to the beach again. this time, i really didn’t apply the sunblock due to pure laziness and i ended up looking roasted. i looked as if i was wearing 2 shirts since i was in my off-shoulder dress.

 

got treated as if i was a freak cos so manyu people were staring at me. the worst was when i went to this cold storage at upper east coast road and just passed by empire donuts counter. the girl shouted to her friend many times "tengok! tengok!" i felt like just stopping in my steps and turned around and ask her "Wanna look? look more. funny? laugh in front of my face"… but of course id idn’t. i alwayhs thought about such things only after the crucial time of the incident has happened. that’s so stupid. hah.. oh well. let them be huh. i really wanted to slap them.

 

but anyways… today……… sentosa was pretty fun. i’d say this time…………. i felt like i really loved the sand. love the sand so much i kept rolling and falling in it. but really feel sore now.. haha….. and boy, i feel raw ALL OVER. u should see me…. look really……….. pink…

 

but i don’t think i’m a freak yet lor. stupid people.

 

 

A Little Help From You

A Little Help From You – Music and Lyrics by Gordon Haskell

Anytime you want to talk it through
I’ll be sitting waiting for my cue
If there’s anything I can do for you
I won’t be happy ‘til you’re by my side
Only you can keep me satisfied
Loving you is all I’ve ever tried to do
But every time I ask you to dance
I’m just to shy to talk romance
So just a little help will do I’m looking for
A little help from you
Since I first saw your face
I’ve danced for days and thought of ways I could tell you
But it’s so hard to do the closer I get to you
‘Cos everytime I ask you to dance
I’m just to shy to talk romance
So just a little help will do I’m looking for A little help from you

once u make a decision, the whole world conspires to make it happen

repeat this to urself "i am happy"

 

things will start turning your way and eventually, you will be happy.

 

chatted with dee- the person i used to never understand. he was like a grouchy old man last time… always complaining that the world is shit, humanity is inferior.. that kinda shit – u get it. he was always drunk and had no love in him. and… i always never knew how to respond. he’s always touching on topics which i’ve never thought of before. okay, actually, i feel inferior before him.

 

but yesterday, (i still feel inferior before him) he’s a changed man. speaks kinder words. feels and cares and loves a lot more. his heart is softened. and it’s a good thing. no longer drunk… he even gave me a whole new perspective of the world. but well, i felt like i was chatting to a book. really sounded like one. words are too consistet and pronounced. but heck, he’s an english teacher. so.. what is not possible?

 

one thing he taught me – was to change your opinion and you change your reality. how true.

 

i’ve been speaking to myself a hell lot since the conversation. things that would make me happy. it worked. believe me or not, but it worked.

 

i noticed it this morning.

 

for the past month(s), i’ve been spotting lips which curve downwards – i don’t know why. maybe because i felt nothing was worth rejoicing over. but today, i found myself with upturned lips. well the side of my lips are upturned. which……………… i think makes me look better than a grumpy woman with lips curving downwards! i guess… i could do with more positive remarks about myself 🙂

 

opinions are all that matters.

 

i am happy

i am smart

i am beautiful

i am thin

i am in love with myself

 

repeat these and u’ll definitely feel a whole new you in times to come. like the ripple effect.. whatever you give to the universe will come back to you eventually. i’ve been reading stuff like this, but i’ve never practiced it till yesterday. how dumb. i could have less heartaches!

 

 

i had a weird dream last night. in my dream, i was folding incense paper… and was trying to fold a lot. and i was running around making preparations for a funeral. a friend’s funeral. and that friend in the dream is actually healthy in real life. wtf. anyways…. i was asking people a lot of questions about funeral preps… then suddenly a friend askd me "why are u doing all these?" i said xxx is dying. then immediately, i said "oh wait. xxx is just on mc, not dead, right?" YAH. lame dream. all my dreams are weird. i’m either a P-O-W, dropping my teeth, or running away from someone/something. whatever dream it is, i’m always running.

yeah right…

did i hear you say "you are really a good friend"?

 

i think i did.

 

but how come i don’t get anything in return? well.. at least for now, i know where i stand. it doesn’t really matter if i don’t turn up in certain events. what matters is that your other friends turn up. the fun ones.

 

so i guess…. i should just don’t bother…. and just continue living my life. i needn’t even care about u. needn’t care about hat u feel, needn’t care to try to be there – cos there’s someone else already. you used to call me whenever you feel emotional, or lonely… but now, you don’t call me anymore. is a friendship of so many years so superficial? i guess. i guess there’s the lure of… a pretty friend. any pretty girl can supercede me as a good friend. so, congratulations, i don’t need your friendship. just let it stay as a "surface" kinda friendship then. a friendship that has no depth.

 

sometimes i really wish to just delete you from my list, to stop hanging out with u, to mind your biz. but the pul of a big group of friends is too enticing… wtf.

 

my teeth keeps falling in most of my dreams

"One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others. Everybody worries about how they appear to others. Caring about our appearance is natural and healthy.�

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.�

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion.

In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine.

Traditionally, it was thought that dreaming that you did not have teeth, represent malnutrition which may be applicable to some dreamers."

i am boomberg

another blasting weekend. went to malacca with my sec school friends. just 4 of us. but wasn’t very fun… someone kept whining that there weren’t any girls.

 

SIGH.

 

milz said i’m emo. haha!

 

well i definitely am. no doubt.

siannnn

so bored at work. suppose to meet mum to go shopping. but aunts decided to come to my place and we had to cancel our trip. so stupid lor… but never mind. got nice food. speaking of food… i’ve been eating a lot less! haha one of those stupid dieting. i hate myself. diets don’t last gal!!!!

 

i was searching for formal letter template and i came across this site. it had two examples which was.. very funny:

***************************************************************************************************************************

Jan 1, 2000

Graduate Admissions Committee
Department of Psychology
The Really Big Deal University
Hell Hole, Middle of the Country, USA

Dear Committee Members:

Thanks for your letter dated April 1. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your rejection at this time.

This year I have received an unusually large number of rejection letters.  After giving the matter careful consideration, I have determined that is is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

I am aware of your outstanding record and previous experience in rejecting applicants.   However, I find that your rejection does not meet my current career needs. Consequently, I will begin taking classes as a graduate student in your department this coming fall. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
name
address

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Jan 1, 2000

Name of Editor, Editor
Reviewed Online Journal
Large Research University
Who Cares, Some State, USA

Dear Editor:

I submitted an article for your consideration two years ago.  Thanks for your recent letter dated April 1. 

You letter was quite critical of my paper.  This is very unfortunate.  I was up for tenure last year and I needed some publications.   When I hadn’t heard from you, I decided to hack your web site.     During the last year, I’ve published 24 papers on your site and removed a large number of those I didn’t find very interesting.

One other thing I forgot to mention.  I applied for and received permission to use the www address for your journal.  You have been using my address illegally for over a year and I have started a civil suit against you.

Have a nice day

name
*****************************************************************************************

not funny??? i think it’s damn funny.

ahhh…. can’t wait for the chalet with my polytechnic girlfriends! we’re so gonna have a smashing good time!!! haha….

sunday.. i received a stupid call from some bangla-sounding man. he kept saying "i love you… do you love me?" that kinda shit.. then i was pissed.. asked him to shut up and i hung up. then an hour later, same guy though different number. i thought shit.. which idiot…. i thought it was ali. but i didn’t give ali my new number. so this time when the guy called, vulgarities just spilled out of my filthy mouth. then he said,"gals nowadays so vulgar ya?" then i hung up on him. an hour later… my dad called. "how come nowadays girls like to scold fuck ah?" MY DAD PRANK CALLED ME. which dad would do that anyway?! MY DAD WOULD. but i’m so silly lor… my dad did that to my mum and my mum said,"mai ji xiao leh… childish". -_-" even my younger brother teased me for being silly. it did cross my mind that it was my dad but i listened hard… he didn’t sound like a chinese at all. so well…. 🙂

i kinda love this office. once, i looked across to the other building and waved at binnie for 5 mins. haha.. then during lunch i can meet up with angela or binnie and ann. damn fun… my colleagues are really boring. i think one of them doesn’t wanna work anymore. he’s been like that since day 1 anyway. the other one.. he’s better. but when the 3 of us are together, we barely mutter more than 10 sentences. and once they are done with their meals, they come up. it’s so different with singaporeans!!! sometimes i wonder how this china guy is an NUS scholar. cos he surely doesn’t act like one. whenever i ask him questions, he either answers before i even open my mouth, or tell me my problem is a UI problem and it doesn’t concern him. wtf…. sudhir is still better. even though he’s a java developer, he’ll still try to help solve my problem. and the best sentence a friend said was.. "welcome to the real world".