therapy session

and i’ve never felt so smooth. lol!!

 

met up with them today.. gosh! what a wonderful session. i don’t know why we can never ever stop bitching… it’s like a craving and you need to satisfy that craving. but once u start, u can never seem to stop. though.. i really feel that i’m a rotten person. argh!! but.. watever! humans do have feelings… and there are times we feel pushed to a corner that we can’t do anything but just to call for help to no one in particular. just need to voice it out… right? then we don’t feel so bad anymore. therapeutic.

 

and i feel sorry suddenly. but it’ll be only a passing phase. sigh!

 

患难见真情！

 

how strange but true this phrase is!

 

gosh i’m really tired now…. yesterday got woken up by an sms at 2 am and couldn’t get back to sleep till about 4am…. and today when i was at school trying to revise my work….. my mind was stoned. couldn’t absorb anything.. didn’t know what was i doing. eyes are like a reflector… words bouncing off the surface of my iris and not processing into my mind. felt so zombified. shall go sleep soon.. and wake up later tomorrow!

 

 

this post is not interesting

i just realised how sweet my student is. he never fails to take me aback by the things he do. i used to think that he’s just some childish kid who’s still pretty much problematic and immatured at the age of 14. cos he’s always gotten into fights and detention.. so i thought he doesn’t really know how to think responsibly. then one day, he showed me the text messages he has been exchanging with a girl. the girl was complaining that she hates her mum for forcing her to study day and night. then my student replied in the most brilliant way i’ve never seen anyone his age do… he said,"think of it this way. your mum might not have gotten through secondary school and that’s why she wants you to do well. also, i’m sure if she had the chance to study in her time, she would have." wow.. i was.. and am still impressed!

 

then the second thing he did that really warmed my heart was that.. when i tripped over a big hole on the ground while chasing for the bus, he saw and immediately ran over while shouting "are u okay?!!!" that’s so sweet…

 

i think finally i’m motivated to study. haa…

 

and i told u this post is not interesting.

time to go full speed on my studies!

finally ended the day. much busy day…. most part work.. and the earlier part pleasure. i wish it would be a whole day of pleasure.. but alas… work has to be done 🙂

 

at least i got to spend a somewhat "historical" saturday – just like the old days!

 

feel so empty suddenly. but well… good things come to and end isn’t it? i guess i should let it be some kind of indulgence rather than some kind of hope and dream… i don’t know why.. but i really do have this love and hate relationship with this person. i really wannna see this person… yet… when i see him, sometimes i feel like punching him. he really knows how to push my buttons.

 

come to think of it, why does everyone know how to push my buttons?! that is so fuggin frustrating? it’s almost like anyone and everyone can read me like a book and make me do things i don’t want to do.. just because they know my weak points.

 

most of the times… i try to analyse what is going on in his mind. unfortunately, it’s like a maze. it’s as if he’s dodging and hiding.. so much that i find this person so mysterious. annoyingly, frustratingly mysterious. just want to pounce on him and dig out every single information from him. i don’t really like this kind of feeling. it’s as if… after so long, this person is still so wary of me… it’s not as if i’m a predator..?? i don’t think i’m one anyway. am i in any way malicious?! will i eat u up if u were honest with me? HAVE I EVER ILL TREATED U? no? then… why are u not trusting me and not acting naturally!

 

maybe………………….

 

i am just "one of those" to u.

 

like always.

 

sometimes i wish that you wouldn’t speak without thinking about the hurt ur words might bring to me. u probably didn’t know that i treat some things very seriously. i might laugh with u… after u said those hurtful words. but it actually hurts inside, if you never really noticed. anyway.. u rarely notice ANYTHING. and i really hate it when someone says that i’m stupid. cos i know i’m not. and i only act stupid around u cos………………. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. to make u happy perhaps. and at the cost of making u feel exasperated because i’m too stupid. shucks.

 

my heart is like trembling now.

 

brother asked me a million times why i like to hang around u… i give many reasons. but i was dumbfounded when he said this, "do u feel his love for u?" i have no idea. it’s just all hopeful thinking.

 

🙂 happy birthday milz.

cheers

to a whole new first times…

 

i celebreated mil’s birthday yesterday. went to this japanese restaurant which serves a pretty good buffet.. with 124 items to choose from. and we had complimentary something.. we could choose from a few items.. and thinking that sea urchin was a luxury, i chose that.

 

eeks.

 

the thought of it makes my stomach churn. seriously… if you could reconciliate taste and smell, i would tell you that sea urchin sushi… tastes like SHIT. literally. okay, i really felt like i was eating shit. i have to salute milz cos she was the first person to try that EXOTIC dish.. andshe actually swallowed it!!!!! i tasted one piece of it and i could already feel my food coming up from my stomach. it’s fking disgusting. the thought of it is making me feel like puking.

 

so anyway.. after that we decided to go for a coupla drinks. there, i drank around the world. milz said it was suppose to conk me out. but i didn’t feel any effect of it. so we went in search of a much stronger drink. reluctantly settled on long island tea cuz the brazilian bar only had that… so after drinking… i really felt a lil tipsy. my head was a lil light… so i went out of the bar… looking for the restroom. and i saw 3 black guys who were quite good looking i must say… WELL.. AT FIRST GLANCE. but anyway, it was just a glance and i continued walking. but somehow i felt like someone was tlaking beside me… just that i didn’t know who. then my friend asked me to turn around. so i did. and there was this black guy who started talking to me. honestly, i’m flattered that he talked to me. but a million thoughts raced through my mind. the very first thought, being, "oh my god he wants to have sex. his dick is like 30cm?!" my mind was conditioned to be this way because of my dad. he kinda made me shudder at the thought of a black man’s dick. lol.. anyway… he was trying to talk to me and i was like "no no no…" and started walking real fast. then he said "BABY.. what is your name?" i’m no baby man…. but anyway i didn’t know what to do.. cos it’s the first time a stranger has tried to know me. so… i said……..

 

"NO…. I’M LESBIAN, I LIKE GIRLS! bye!!"

 

*smacks head* i didn’t really notice how that guy looks like… but my friend says he’s quite a looker. i was actually fantasizing that was cJ. but of course that wasn’t cJ!!! but now that i think of it… he really did look like cJ.. and I just realised cJ is quite a looker as well!!! hahaha… funny…… okay. i’m so flattered about the incident… that i kept thinking about it.

 

am i a slut or something? god.. what’s wrong with me. but please pardon me… it’s kinda like an ego thing, maybe… dunno.

 

so… milz then introduced me to her friend, who in turn introduced his friends… they’re all in the banking industry. i feel like God is helping me.. cos after talking to these people.. I kinda knew what was i going to do about my career 🙂

 

 

quiz galore!

What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are a fairly energetic person. You know how do pace yourself, and you deal well with stress. You are somewhat outgoing, but you’re not a natural extrovert. You think first before you act. You tend to be independent, rational, and logical. You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others. You need a bit of space in your life, but you’re not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well. You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart. You are a decent communicator. You eventually get your point across, but sometimes you leave things a bit ambiguous.

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

 

 

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen Peacemaker, first to end a fight Good at thinking up creative dates Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily Going with your gut instead of your head Empathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault Good at recognizing patterns in relationships Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow Overly visual – can play back past dates like movies in your mind Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Are You a Right Brained or Left Brained Woman in Love?

 

 

Your Are a Bold Brunette

Men see you as striking and mysterious – you have a certain allure. Comfortable in your own skin, you know you have a unique beauty. You don’t mind attention, but you don’t need to seek it out.

How Blonde Are You?

panic

and it’s not because my mock exams are next week.

 

but because I couldn’t find the sudoku book prior to going to the toilet!!! lol… it’s funny…. i asked her to confiscate and hide the book in a place i cannot find cos i was too addicted to it. and SHE REALLY WENT TO HIDE IT!!!! she hid it so well.. i couldn’t find it. gosh.. MUMMY!!!! i love u!

 

haha… but in the end i got kinda desperate and called her for the book’s location.

 

that’s all i wanted to blog. lol…. still trying to get into the right gear for exam preparations… i feel so lazy

What’s Your Name’s Hidden Meaning?

What Ke Ying Means

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge – meaning you don’t spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you’re snobby or aloof, but you’re just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you’re too busy having fun to care. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get you excited… which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don’t stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don’t appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What’s Your Name’s Hidden Meaning?

never ending story

and you wish it was a never-ending love story, didn’t u? well, somewhere there. it’s a never ending… love-hate relationship.

i think if u want to, and if u can, u can severe many things in this world. but there is one thing, that i strongly feel, is that you can never severe blood ties. i guess you can stop contacting your relatives.. but somehow u will still care about those closest to you. if you have a heart, you will not be able to live comfortably knowing that your blood ties are severed.

sometimes i really feel like severing my blood ties. as much as i’m gaining a lot of materialistic items from that side of the family, their expectations of me grow higher too… i think.

i always think that if you give something to someone, it should be without conditions attached. and usually when someone gives me something, i don’t see that as someone "giving me a favour" cos i don’t really need a favour like that. if i possess an LV bag… is it actually a favour that someone has bestowed upon me? what use do i have for a LV bag other than envious stares from people around me? it doesn’t help my character development in any kind. okay, perhaps i can pawn it. or sell it. but how possible is that? if one day the person who gave it to me asks me about my LV bag, what do i say? is this a favour? okay.. so i accepted the LV bag. do i bound myself to whatever requests the person asks of me? can’t we just accept gifts in the most innocent and natural way, without being bound by conditions? even if there were conditions, i think it should be mutual.. and most importantly, not kept silent.

i thought about what my course speaker said this afternoon. he said. give a man 2million and he might kill a man for you. (something along those lines. ) i was thinking… if a man first gives me 2 million, i will accept it. (in the most naive ways, thinking he was probably too rich) but if i have already started using the money and one day he comes to ask me to kill someone, i probably will not do it. i’ll probably run away!!!

but now that i’m typing it out. i will probably kill someone for him because.. there is no free lunch in this world.

okay… trying to make myself guilt free, how about this scenario? someone gives me 3 gucci bags. i decline and that person gets angry if i decline. so i accept it. upon acceptance, do i again be bound by her silent conditions? i seriously do not know. i’ve been taught values in which i should appreciate what people have done for me and i sohuld always repay a person’s kindness. but how much should i repay? if you were to talk about how much, i think it’s a never ending story. how much is much? how do you equate actions to monetary value? can you? if i compromise my time and my happiness to accomplish a request set by that very person, does it equate to me giving back the 3 gucci bags? i don’t know.

i’m really perplexed right now because…. i’m very annoyed, frustrated and angry at myself, and at the other person. yes, it’s true that i have received many wonderful gifts from you. but aren’t gifts suppose to remain as gifts? or did you spoil me with a certain motive in mind? so that you can push my buttons and make me feel bad if i ever have to refuse you? given my situation, i would already have felt bad for refusing to help you. the very act of refusing you has set me on a whirlpool in my mind. my body burns internally and i can’t set my mind to start on my studies. if i were to help you, i wouldn’t have time for my studies. either way, u’ve got me bounded. how splendidly you do it. either way, u know i can’t run away from you. i should probably stash away my phone until end of may, when i’ve finished my exams and i have the time to play with you. why can’t human beings just be upfront, innocent and honest about things? why must everyone be acting behind the bushes? that totally sucks.

sometimes i wish that i would get knocked dead by a truck so that i never will have to face you again. u give me restless nights. make me break out in cold sweat. make me feel like i’ve got ants in my pants.

u scare the shit out of me.

我是犯贱

再过5天，就是你在我心里霸占了六个月了。。 我也渐渐的觉得我这人真犯溅！明明知道你是 beyond my reach ， 我却握着你颈颈的，不放手。我这傻乎乎的思想，不知几时才会灭化。

 

今天是新期六，你还记得我们过去不少的新期六是怎么度过的吗? 其实我好想念与你一起度过的 saturdays.. 一起玩sudoku, who wants to be a millionaire.. 一起吃tidbits, 一起吃早点，一起看足球。。多开心。

 

可惜，那已经是过去的事了。。现在的你，我再也不知道你再做什么，不知道你想什么了。。渐渐的，我也变成了和其他的ladies一样，just a passing cloud. or we could be the baby breaths surrounding a rose. with deadly thorns. u are the rose with the deadly thorn, for you are lethal. so lethal… 上帝一定是在你身上花了多一点点的时间。。

 

你到底在哪里？