it’s really a full circle

why does shit always come back to me again and again?! i’m not a fucking toilet bowl!!!! nor a sewage system!

 

i was pretty relieved when my aunt told me she found 3 new staff working for her. seriously, i was GLAD. i heaved a sigh of relief. but of course at the same time worrying about my rice bowl. that probably meant i might not be needed. it’s kinda ironic that as much as i hate my job, i still wanted money coming in. ha! life’s an irony – always, isn’t it?

lol…

 

well…. just last week, i got to know that the ACTIONSCRIPT guy has resigned. wtf! when he was here, i was totally glad to be relieved of ALL CODING JOBS.. and now?! DAMN IT. I HAVE TO CODE AGAIN. knnbccb. before the guy leaves, i’m already given a clue of what coding i need to do. DISGUSTING! but well actually i felt like learning a bit of php.. but the thought of it just makes me wanna barf! yucks – disgusting…

 

instead of just working ONCE a week, now i have to work TWO! okie dokie… on the positive side of things, it’s good, cos i have more money in my pocket. ha ha ha! that will help finance a bit for my usa trip next year. seriously, i’m not really interested to go to usa. the initially thought of it got me excited. cos it’s like, wow, away from your family and all. but now that i think of it.. well. i guess there are pros and cons? it’s like while u’re on a holiday, u can earn a sum to finance your expenses there. but at the same time, u’ll be earning money just to finance ur expenses and u probably would not think of saving up for the months to come – when u go back to singapore. and who can guarantee that u will defintely set some money aside for conversion back to singapore dollars? i mean, would u want to scrimp and save when u’re supposedly on a holiday? i wouldn’t. i don’t deny i’m quite a big spend thrift. hahaha…

 

shit. i haven’t called joey. it’s been weeks. look how interested i am in making money. i am so interested that i’m procrastiinating. 🙂 so many things to do. rather than wasting time blogging, isn’t it?

 

i guess sometimes the less u know, the happier u will be. like why bimbos always appear happy. but sadly they frown over the stupidest things, like their hair isn’t in the lightest shade of blonde maybe.

juz a mfing mannequin

am i just that?

 

why is it that time and again i just get treated like i am just someone who can take whatever nonsense thrown at me? i’ve been trying to be nice and kind to everyone.. but seems like nobody appreciates me. or rather, the people that i would like me to be appreciated – do not.

 

i don’t know what to do anymore.

 

i guess i’ve finally come to realise that… u can pluck the clouds, the moon, the stars from the sky for someone who really wants them. but he will not appreciate you. he will not thank you for plucking the moon, the clouds, the stars – because you OUGHT to. because u wanted to pluck them, and he didn’t ask you to.

 

i guess………….. i should stop compromising myself and think that if i treat someone better, he will treat me the same.

 

it’s realy difficult to keep a positive outlook on human-human relationships anymore.

just like before

and somehow this title seems pretty familiar.

 

haha did i break the news yet? I JUST GOT LAID OFF MY JOB and i’ve barely started working. well it wasn’t a bad fire. it was just that shortly after employing me, and i did do  few stuff for the project, they realised they can get their own people to work on the other projects and so, i was redundant. actually i could see it coming when on my second week there, i was practically sleeping on the job like…. there’s nothing much i can do.

 

yesterday, i went for my sec school friend’s wedding. it’s kinda ironic because the last time i ever saw her was graduation in sec school and the next time i see her, it’s at her wedding. this probably shows how time flies.

 

(side track: and my dog is walking all over me trying to let me know she wants to get down the bed but is too timid to jump down)

 

alright… so it felt like 7 years ago when were were 15 and we celebrated one of our classmate’s birthday bash at hilton hotel. we were very young then, and very unfashionable. i dressed up like an office lady, coupla girls dressed up like they were going clubbing, the guys dressed up like they were gonna do breakdancing in the ballroom – and bright orange t-shirt!!! while the birthday girl and her indonesia friends? they were in GOWNS. lol. when i look at the photo we took, i’d just smile at myself and think, "hey, great fashion sense we had, class" lol. yesterday, we were dressed differently. definitely more well dressed and everyone looks better. reminds me that time does a lot to people. over time, people can change for the better, or the worse.

 

it was nice to see lydia again. though we were always in contact, we didn’t really talk a lot. she’s someone i have always respected and admired for as long as i know her. she’s a very wonderful person with an outstanding personality. i learn a lot of things when i’m with her. she’s like my sister. do you know i never knew how to cook? and she taught me how to fry a decent cheese omelette. yeah… 16 and i do not know how to cook even after taking 2 years of home economics (why in the hells bells would we call cooking home ECONOMICS? do they have to deal with demand and supply? probably – 6 people = 4 cups of rice maybe) and also the fact that i went on to take up food and nutrition which also requires me to cook. and the best part was… during my practical test, i decided to cook an uber healthy meal of macaroni soup, my teacher gave me a desert bowl and a fork. and i told my teacher it’s soup. she said.. where’s the soup? … i forgot to put in the soup in my haste of tryin to get every single piece of macaroni in that damn small bowl. and i poured away the soup. she shook her head and suggested i drop the subject. great choice. lol. alright back to lydia…. anyway all in all, i’m glad i know her.

 

OH.. actually the whole point of me mentioning her was because… i went to her house to play with her dogs. jr and buddy. my god! they are so hyper active!!! and buddy likes to pounce on people. like i was rubbing jr’s head while seated on the sofa and i looked to my left, and buddy RAN TOWARDS ME AND POUNCED ON ME, his paw stuck on my shirt and tore it a lil.. and started licking me all over my face. he was very affectionate – but he gave me a shock. lol. it was funny… i’ve never seen a dog pounce on anyone before. lol!! for a moment i thought he was a lion. and i was a prey. lol… in another scenario, i was playing with jr. i love jr so much!! he’s so tamed… and kind.. and lovely. haha… those eyes!! they melt your heart. okay so i was playing with jr.. patting his head, ruffling his fur.. and buddy just comes beside him and tries to get my attention. i pushed buddy away and continued playing with jr.. buddy came in front of jr. i went to hug jr and buddy jumped up to sofa and started licking al over me. lol… they’re really cute. and cos they’re large dogs, they left a lot of saliva on me. it took quite some time for the saliva to evaporate. LOL.. and when i got home, crystal refused to lick me. she just kept sniffing and sniffing. haha…

 

alright. u non-dog lovers must be thinking that i’m crazy. but hey, dogs really DO melt your heart and… sometimes i think they understand humans.

emo

today, i spent the whole day walkin through town.. did some shopping… minimal shopping. but mostly it was just strolling around town, looking at the people around me, looking at the buildings, looking at the sky above me while discreetly spotting for flying birds who might crap on me.

 

then.. i went to meet cookie. we went to his friend’s house in devonshire rd and tasted nice mutton curry and tandoori chicken. lol i couldn’t cook, so i just sat down and acted like the queen.

 

as usual, cookie walks godamn fast. and i don’t know why. sometimes the moment i meet him, i just want to turn around and leave. but i can’t. it’s always too late. he always blames me for not going out with him. but why should i go out with him? i don’t feel a sense of closeness with him at all. he is just – wrong. we were together – but that was like 3-4 years ago and he still thinks we are still together.

 

i go all out searching for love a hell lot – because i fear loneliness. but almost all the time, i find men… who seemed to claim like they like me, but act otherwise. i know that i’m just their spare tyre, just someone who will be there for them and that they are probably not bound by me….. and yet i allow myself to be treated this way – and i tolerate being treated this way and just live with it. for what, i ask? i really don’t understand. why do i always allow myself to be compromised in such a way, such a manner? is it because i can’t live without a male companion, or is it because of something else – loneliness. is it something that being in the companion of women can’t achieve? i really don’t know. i guess… i need a lil bit of romance in my life. being with a guy doesn’t mean he will romance u.

 

and i just fell asleep.

i feel unbalanced. mentally ill.

lol.. firstly, i feel verbally assaulted by some asshole. called me a shithead, duckhead… sigh. i wish he would grow up somehow. he’s such an idiot. childish moron. and i’m stupid to, to be allowed to be treated this way.

 

what would u do if you went to work in a new company and u bumped into an ex who’s workin there big time? would u smile, try to flirt or just walk past as if you don’t know him?

 

today, i went mad. i threw my eating utensils at my dad and almost went ahead and punched him. an imagine of him in bandages appeared in my head and i started laughing. urgh. i hate it whenever my dad proclaims he is going to die. he has been saying that for 17 years!! for god’s sake – 17 years. i can’t take it. and when i asked him to stop saying he wants to die, he gives a whole load of excuses like his dad died young, my grandma said she wanted to die as well and so on. but.. i don’t think any of the above mentioned they were going to die for 17 years.

 

if a lawyer and a tax investigator were drowning, what would u do?

 

1. wave at them

2. drink a cuppa

3. turn and run