too late to pull out now

haven’t started work and i’m already suffering from cognitive dissonance. not because i hate the, but because i don’t feel good that i have to work on my personal laptop. lol…. and that i have to go to bukit merah for work! eew. 8:30am in the morning 34km from my house! that means i have to leave the house at like, 6:45 latest so that i won’t be late for work.

 

well.. for the sake of $_$, i will do it!!! so that i can live in usa in comfort and buy all the benefit and coach in the world. hahaha 😛

 

i guess i definitely need to do up a timetable so that i can also take care of my studies. tough… but i guess it’s time to toughen myself up huh..

 

 

boring saturday, boring weekend

if i’d known my activities would all be cancelled, i would have gone to malaysia with bro!!! urgh. it’s so sickening!!!! I FEEL SO BORED! i wish for once i can tell people that "when i’m bored, i study. and i’m bored all the time!"

 

which reminds me of something…

"hey, where should we go for dinner?"

"pepper lunch"

"hello, deaf, i said DINNER."

"ya. pepper lunch."

 

funny right? well.. not really la. just being lame. this conversation with myself kept playing in my head when i was taking my nap. i swear it’s an inspiration!

 

so, what should i do now? study? STUDY?!! so boring… lol. but i MIGHT. but i’ll go get a cuppa from coffee bean first. nothing fails to perk me up like a good cup of coffee! haha…. gee… i’ve spent the whole day thinking of things to do. on my way to school at 7:45am, i’ve been planning to do threading at little india, do shopping at marina square, take a stroll down singapore river, go to the library to revise my work, eat pepper lunch, lac at coffeebean eating cheesecake and drinking iced mocha… after school, i ended up going home, eating instant noodles with mozarella cheese, and reclining to my sun-baked bed. and to think i napped for 2 hours. lol. what kinda life do i lead man?!

 

okay so in bed when i was trying to put myself to sleep, i made plans to go to parkway parade. when i woke up, i decided parkway parade was too far. and i had nothing to do there… so i continued slacking. ate some crackers and contemplated gettin kinder buenos. but alas, laziness got the better of me and here i am, typing a meaningless blog post.

 

i did try hinting friends to go out. but no one replied. so i guess i’m pretty stuck in this quiet house of mine. and my darling dog refuses to entertain me. all she wants to do is eat and sleep. ha! just like her mistress.

 

WHAT KIND OF LIFE DO I LEAD, i ask.

it doesn’t affect me anymore!

say yes! i’m finally able to let go and live freely!!! YAY!!!!! i am now a stronger person, yet I am ready to love again! LOL. i luv u crystal…. my lil dog is tucked in a comfortable position on my bed, between my legs. lol… such a cutiepie… who can ever resist her?!

 

went to wild wild wet with san and joan. it was realy fun! well. not really. it was the company which made it fun. shouted till my voice went coarse. i wonder why is it that after every water activity, regardless of what it is, we always feel drained out. i don’t think i did much swimming today… but i really felt tired. i dozed off on the way home. gee… deep nap. had sushi again. it was against the cohen’s rule. but i’ve not been following for 2 months already. shame on me. ahha….

 

i wonder if i should go to kl with godbro to visit his fiance. i’ll feel so out of place. but then i’ve never been to kl. haha… yeah i’m a damned country bumkin! and i luv it this way. lol… can’t wait for feb next year! i have a present coming in and…………… i’m not saying what it is. but it’d be WONDERFUL. so so so wonderful i’m already thinking what to do with it.

 

already signed the employment contract with mor’s. hmmm it’s gonna be a blast. well, at least that’s what i hope!!! 3 months away from singapore! YES! pity it isn’t UK.. but US! i don’t really like us… what if they say something like "oh, i know where singapore is, it’s part of china!" well well wel… HOW CLEVER!!!! if u’re chinese, u’re from china. coooll…

 

alright i’m dozing off already. gd nite peeps.

bye bye

ha! yet another disappearance. but this time it doesn’t bring much impact on me. that’s probably 10% of a lie. well i don’t know if it’s yet another disappearing act but.. well.. let it be. let it be, man! that man is so good in those acts of his, he should start a career on par with david copperfield’s!

 

i have been busy keeping myself happy. lol. i don’t know what is it that… i love bread so much. lol carbo just makes one feel good! don’t u think so? haha… and… MILZ has led me to this very evil activity. ONLINE SHOPPING!! i blew $150 in a single day. that’s how easy it is to blow money like that – online. it’s really cool. but i’m a lil skeptical about the sizes and colors though. pictures are usually deceptive.

 

recently i’ve been having weird dreams. this afternoon, i was takin my nap and i dreamt that i was dropping a hell lot of teeth. or rather, all my teeth. i was like visiting this dentist. a peculiar dentist. one who’s trained in tCm. so i was tlakin to her and suddenly my teeth started dropping out. all of them. and they’re all shaped like a dinosaur’s. why do i have such weird dreams. the last time i dreamt… i was dropping teeth as well. just that i was pulling my teeth out one by one and i was bleeding. looks like a scene pulled right off some horror flick eh?

 

and the night after i watched lust caution, i dreamt about the violent parts. i dreamt about war. funny. i thought i’d be dreaming about the sexual scenes (well then again not that i had any visuals to reference to, since the film is censored. but then again. the censorship didn’t affect the storyline).. but yeah i was dreaming about battles. and the girl. and i think i’m half lesbian. i dreamt that i was licking someone’s boobs. and hell… nice boobs those were! lol. so, do u think i’m lesbian? but i’m not attracted to girls! i don’t think i can see myself kissing a girl as yet. haha. neither can i see myself loving a girl. other than one girl… who really isn’t human. my baby – crystal. i luv her so much!

 

bran asked me if i love myself. at first ithought, well, simple enough. i love myself. well… if i am able to express myself then i should love myself, isnt it? lol. i usually don’t think there are things seriously wrong with me until i get emo sometimes. like, some guys tell me how great i am and how they enjoy being with me… but it seems like those guys that i like just don’t like me and somehow it just burns down to the fact that i am fat. i knwo how it is, like what they say, fat chicks are a great ride until u get seen with one. u might as well get shot dead than to be seen with a fat girl. isn’t it? of course then a good friend might argue that, hey, if a guy goes after you because u are beautiful then he isn’t worth it. but the thing is if i’m not beautiful (and slim) then it seals off all oppportunity to get to know a guy and to let a guy know me in depth. isn’t it? ha. what an irony! i was on my friend’s car and i saw this car with this sign " i am fat, but u are ugly" and may i continue with my own version. i have 2 versions:

 

i am fat, but u are ugly. and i can slim down and i will be better than u. – positive version

 

i am fat, but u are ugly. and u will get a boyfriend because u are slim even though u are fucking ugly because a guy would rather be seen with a slim ugly girl than to be seen with queen latifah. – negative version and….. frustrated version perhaps. lol.

annual spheroid girls orgy

ATTENTION ALL SPHEROIDIANS: IT IS COMPULSORY THAT ALL OF YOU ATTEND THE ANNUAL ORGY AS IT IS A FIRST AND IS HENCE DEEMED AS "important".

 

i’m really excited about this orgy of ours. We’ll be bringing strap ons, lubes, fondue, cakes, chicken wings, pies, condoms, a hell lot of pumpkins and a dozen white laboratory mice.

 

and the best thing is………..

 

 

 

no one else other than the spheroidians is invited and no, it really isn’t an orgy. and i’m not bringing a strap on. if i were, then it’d be to poke the marshmallow to eat it. it’s still kinky nevertheless. it’s just our annual bash!!!!! and i’m so looking forward to it! but u know, local university students’ schedules are really kinda hellish… so…… it might again never be accomplished. sob! but i shall keep my positivity.

 

11 more days to wild wild wet. yay!

 

DO you know it costs from $800 – $3,500 to recover data from your hard disk? I don’t know if it’s because the company is established or what.. but i think that’s an absurd price to pay. even if you were to hire someone to redo whatever that was on ur hard disc, u probably just have to pay him $500 cos he might finish it in 2 weeks. i wonder why did my hdd die such a horrible death. it’s as if it died of cardiac arrest. like…. no clue, no nothing and the evaluation from the data recovery firm said that it was severely damaged. is there some mutated cockroach living in the confines of my laptop eating the surface and the innard of my hdd?

 

sometimes…. humans are very disappointing. u should always count on none other than urself for help. sigh! and i wonder why some people can’t live without their partners around for just 1 second? it’s like, hello, can’t u get a life or something. but YAH u might argue, well, everyone’s values are different. some live for someone else. and some, live for just themselves. like yah, i live for someone else. if that person dies, i die. lol. that is sooo cliche. wtf. i’m just disappointed and unhappy la. i can’t just ignore the fact that there are such people around. i don’t know whether to feel sad for them or to feel happy for them. happy because, great, u found someone u can stick with – someone who makes u feel loved and happy at the same time. but i feel sad because u have no life? and feel sad because then i’ll soon come to know i don’t exist in ur line of vision and that u might probably cease from existence some day. it’s so fucking irritating. annoys me till no end.

 

and yes, i’m talkin about someone in particular. i don’t hate u. i just hate that when u’re attached, u just disappear from our lives and when u’re not, u come back. u probably don’t know how it feels. but we do. u’re a nice person, one i would call my good friend. or perhaps best friend, at one point. but now? it’s just we’re just normal friends. just read it, and shrug it off. u’re not about to change anything cos u won’t. what did u say will happen when school starts? well it’s not happening. but don’t worry i still love u. just quite disappointed in u. but that’s u. ur character is like that. and i guess i just have to realise people lead their lives the way they want to lead it. probably someone else disapproves the way i’m leading mine too. so…… 🙂 u’re forgiven. lol. see what period does to u? it makes u illogical. blabber blabber blabber. she goes on and on non stop. stop nagging will u… [trails off, reverbs]

 

just tell me u have a wife la. idiot. if u have a wife, i know where i stand. if you don’t, then tell me u have a gf. so i will just STOP!!!!!! argh. u’re such an asshole. i know, u love me calling u asshole right? urghhhhhh i’m totally out of my mind lately. i’m really depressive and my mood changes like the wind. i think my period is coming. yeah loser, blame it on ur period. seems like us ladies can get away with calling someone else nasty things like "bitch", "slut" whategver… or ill-treating our male friends and claim that we were having the time of the month. wahaha! but usually when i’m in one of these moods i lose quite a few friends… i have a foul mouth.

 

 

 

 

give me a breath spray.

 

deeply rooted

in dunk.

 

now, i feel like i’m standing on my head deeply rooted in a high, huge pile of smelly diarrhea. DAMN. i’m so fkt.

 

i don’t know what happened, but my aunt’s laptop isn’t working ANYMORE. shit shit shit shit shit. i don’t know what is it between electronics and me… but electrical stuff will always die early in my hands. what is wrong with me really??!!! fuckkkkk!!!!!!

 

and now, i can’t even find my ipod earphones and i don’t remember bringing them out! anyway, why are my earphones not stuck to the anus of my ipod??!!!! damnnnnnnnnnnn

 

what is wrong with me??!!!!

 

why the hell is my room so messy!!! and i’ve packed it like a million times??!!!

luv u baby

i just luv the way you look at me with ur huge eyes open wide.

i just luv the way u peep at me from beween the pillows.

i just luv the way u roll around in bed trying to find a comfortable spot.

i just luv the way u decide to tug urself in between my legs smiling at me.

i just luv the way u immediately turn around when i approach u.

i just luv the way u try to attract my attention even when i try not to look at u.

 

i just luv u, my baby crystal.

 

hehehe…. i luv my baby crystal so much! she justs brings laughter and love out of me. i can’t spend a day without looking at her, without hugging her, without kissing her small lil head. she’s just wonderful.. as long as no one else has food in their hands. lol. but in a few years, i’m definitely going to lose her to old age… but i hope she won’t leave me so soon.

 

yesterday, on my way home, i started thinking about ah mah. images of her breathing her last raced through my head. she was just there… yellow and cold, with her tongue sticking out. a day before she passed on. a day later, she still looked the same. and she looked the same the moment her heartbeat reached 8bpm. i miss her so much…. no one to pat my butt when i’m naughty. no one to talk to when i sleep. my room feels empty suddenly. the sound of her coughing in the middle of the night is missing. the sound of her opening and closing her drawers looking through her things in the midst of the night is missing. the sound of her peeing into the pail is missing. the sound of her nagging me is missing. as i slept last night, i faced the window. i wonder why i always liked to face the window when she was around. in fact, i hate facing the window cos it doesn’t feel comfortable lying on my left. so i turned and lay on my right. if she was around, i’d be facing her. now all i’m facing is my study table. and a huge armchair. perhaps one day when i open my eyes in the middle of the night i’ll see her sitting there looking at me. if that were to happen, well……. see u guys in heaven. i’d have died of terror. but well… i wish to see her again.

 

sunday, i’ll be watching kumar with siti and milz… but still haven’t found another person to take heather’s seat… nevertheless.. am not gonna think about it first. i’m so excited! lol.

 

so… i’ve returned everything to u. and i don’t know if i’ll ever see u again. sigh. i should have braced myself for such a thing to happen. i mean… when i made a choice to contact u, then i should already have anticipated ur disappearance. right? ho ho… sometimes i find that talkin to u is so fun.. but sometimes u piss the shit out of me i just feel like strangling u. isn’t this familiar to u, js, this love-hate feeling? lol…

woot!

my bro jason just called. he’s going to kL to work! lol come to think of it… i’m a really shitty sis. ever since i last saw my twin nieces, i’ve never seen them again. they must be about a year old now!!! lol… bad aunt i am… hahaha… and now another baby has just joined the family and i haven’t met her. well apparently he has some problems with his wife. kinda sad… don’t know what can be done to salvage their marriage. i think if a kid is raised single handedly… then he will have some attitude problem or somethin. perhaps due to the compensation of not having a mother, or a father.

 

anyways…. i went out with joan and sandy today. fun! but i think i pissed joan off cos i threw popcorn in her face and kept askin her to shut up. sorry babe! i really didn’t mean it. but i was totally an asshole today. neurotic. so we had kim gary – omg. damn nice. and i saw wesley… he pretended not to see me! well… he must be thinking "she didn’t follow the turbulence routine!" i must be his worst client EVER. lol… so after kim gary we went to catch nanny’s diary. it’s really nice… kinda touching. luved the cute lil boy. felt like kissing him. hehe… and we had thai express for dinner. that’s a lot of food in a day, really! but the whole day my anus feels funny. it was vibrating a hell lot i thought i shat in my knickers. i felt like a volcano ready to erupt anytime. but i just erupted in a bout of gases. lol i’m disgusting and i know it.

 

going to wild wild wet with them two girls! yeah bought fbt shorts.. so… we’ll all be in fbt shorts! lol cool.. mine’s a blood red. i luv it. my first red shorts! and sandy’s gonna drive.. lol.. come san! come my house fetch me!!! tralalala~ lol can’t wait!

 

and i’m quite sure i look like a fking transgender now.