mmmmm…

that’s how the cow likes to call me. hahaha.. perhaps i’m yummy. LOL. sigh lucky him!! enjoying at some nice beach resort now… what better place is there to attend a seminar than at a beach resort where they provide u with a huge bath tub with bath salts!! man i’m soo jealous already. he’s coming back – and i’m looking forward.

i’m so tired…. but i can’t sleep, somehow. someone told me that if a guy asks a girl to go to his place, it’s to have sex. is it true?? i dont know. perhaps i’m naive. haha i think i should be naive. i must be. hahaha…

had a long day at school today. morning POA…. couldn’t concentrate. afternoon marketing.. couldn’t concentrate too.. i kept dozing off.. shit… that’s bad isnt it… and there was this quiz which i wasn’t prepared for at all… and i started to get nervous. it’s about 6 months to exams!! and i have to clear 5 units.. damn!!! I NEED TO!!!urgh.. God please give me strength!!! and willpower! and everything else!

mm.. not feeling very happy today…. still unsure of some things… sigh! oh well tomorrow will be a good day i’m sure.. meeting up with my pals.. i miss them so much.

rainy day

today… was a long day at school. had accounting test and i totally screwed it up. couldn’t balance my accounts – it was a difference of 200k. wat the hell…. even a secondary school kid can’t get a difference of 200k!! i dont know how i did it, but somehow.. yeah.. i did it. hahaha.. marketing as usual, was very boring.

i think i need to slap myself. during marketing tutorials, i usually get very excited because we get to answer questions. and there’s this joker in my class.. who doesn’t seem to know what he’s talking about. or rather, we all don’t seem to know what he’s talkin about. he’ll go a huge round throwing in many "chiminology" words… like customer satisfaction, needs and wants – basically he just throws EVERYTHING he knows in.. and doesn’t answer the question. to pacify him, the lecturer will always say "okay, i think we get what u mean" and she goes on to talk about the right thing. and i keep giggling.. i just can’t stop. i should start sucking a pacifier whenever he talks. i know it’s very bad of me. i prayed on the bus…. that i can stop laughing at him. it’s really bad……

rainy day today. and the bus was leaking. walls of the bus were all wet. i wonder what kinda bus is that. haha.. got my pants wet while sitting on an air-con bus.. that’s kinda cool isnt it. lol… it’s unimaginable! yeah and i was on my way to gym… after i got down… walked until like china square… my havaianas SNAPPED. how the hell can a 30-odd dollar slipper snap??!! i’ve only worn it less than a year and it snapped just like that. i had to walk barefooted all the way to my gym at far east square. it’s kinda cool… hahaha… felt like i was in australia where random people would walk without footwear. yeah and i went to gym… my trainer was there. he smiled at me. hahaha and i did an hour of cardio.

tomorrow i’ll be starting work… urgh need to reach at 7:30am.. which means i need to be up at least by 5:45am. this is disgusting.. but taking into consideration that i’m really cash tight.. i just have to do it…. which means, i can’t go for kayaking on saturday.. and i don’t know how to break the news to my friend. oh well…. i’ll find a way. will be workin 3 days… 14 hours each day. nice….

tiring!!!

i was so so so so so so so freaking bored at 3:40am. read. AM!!!!! god…. what was i doing here. it’s not that i stayed up late intentionally… i just cant get to sleep. it’s horrendous!!! i’m experiencing the inaugural monthly gush!!!! yay! i dont know whether to be happy about it or sad about it. but i’m happy that i did not have any emotional outbursts prior to this monthly gush.

since i was just drifting online… i decided to do some really silly stuff….. like….. do a search on that cow. hahaha

"Results 1 – 10 of about 135 for rxxxx zxxxxx."

yes i must be really bored. saw his photo even…. in some usha lexus thingy. wahaha… boohoo i’m so bored!

i had training just now… it was MIND BLOWING. wat the hell!!!!! i never worked so hard in my life before. lol… i was panting and half crying.

remember i mentioned about this top which just oozes with sex? oh well.. it’s 69 bucks. and i saw another dresss.. which looks pretty nice…. is 69 too. and i went to try the top.. it wasnt so lovely after all. it wasnt really satin. and actually.. it’s just made of "ok" material… doesnt command such a high price. so there u go… i’m not gonna get it!!! and it wasn’t that great on me 😛 haa… i just got a plain pink cardigan.

lol lately i’ve been talkin a lot about sex. why??!!!! just because sexpo is coming 😛

embrace sex, people, EMBRACE SEX!!!!! wahahahaha…

my friend was telling me sex was still taboo particularly in this part of the world. how sad. it’s really superficial. i mean…. what’s wrong with talkin about it? there’s nothing wrong. why be ashamed at all??? it’s really stupid.. when sometimes u talk about sex or make some suggestive remarks, u get called a pervert for that. anyway… what’s wrong with being pervertic? lol most people are a lil perved some way or another isnt it. haha perhaps it’s just the way we were brought up. when we were young, our parents instilled in our young minds "sex is bad. it makes ur vagina rot and ur penis drop" it rhymes doesnt it. lol… nah my parents didnt tell me that. they just told me "dont have sex before your marriage"…

i was thinking about me envisioning being an internationalist and how much i wanna get out of this city. it’s not because i hate this city… but because of how pessimistic people are… how they yak on and on about things not being done and what the government isnt doing for them. years of national education has gone to waste. i really admire the way westerners can do things.. like keeping opinions open and so on… i think we should learn from them. that’s my main purpose for leaving this place…. go out.. have fun… learn how to be a better person. and come back equipped with skills to rock the world. hahahaha. well this thought came to my mind when i was chatting with frederik. he told me it was 7 degrees in belgium…. and i was thinking.. gee.. if i were to move to uk… i’d be experiencing that. i hate the cold…. i guess nothing beats the warmth of sunny singapore – which i will always call home. i’ll not forsake u, singapore! i’ll just go away for a while.. and make u a better place when i come back!!!

oh.. have u guys seen the ads SIM has put up? the "GO FOR CORPORATE TRAINING. OR ELSE." it’s everywhere!! usually it shows some executive being thrown into the dustbin. it’s kinda cute. i think they have a pretty good marketing team over at SIM. i dont think i’ve ever seen so much marketing being done for any other school. in a way, i’m glad i’m in SIM. hahaha… oh well.. the slogan literally came to life at raffles place today. there was a dustbin. and a male maniquin was stuck into the dustbin with its legs jutting out of the opening of the dustbin. i just laughed out loud. it’s really amusing.. the way it’s catching attention… haha.. it’s really funny. drives home the message. mm nice!!! i’ll try to take a pic of it when i have the chance.. provided they don’t remove the live ad so fast!

kayaking the weekend away

i swear i’m darker now. i look like a bangla. lol no…. i look mmmm filipina! as always… i think. lol. bullshitting.

 

went kayaking yesterday… and supposedly today. but i didnt bring my cert… so couldn’t rent a kayak. it’s so frustrating. i almost dissed my friend. because of how i wasnt allowed to rent a kayak when i didnt bring my cert.. and the funniest thing is… i had a loyalty card which got stamped 5 times… cos i rented kayaks for 5 times already. how smart people are in this world. yeah.. so… i decided to pack my bag.. and go somewhere. took a bath.. because i smeared myself with sun block (read: oily). and begun my trek to suntec city. initial intention was to walk to dhoby gaut. but it was too far. so i just managed to trek till city hall… haa… it was a pretty cool feeling. just that my shoulders were hurting so bad.

 

walked around centrepoint… it was boring. but i got entertained by the xmas play.. there were elves, santa papa and santa mama, and rudolf!!! and this postman….. who is really cute. LOL. mad. they were singing and dancing.. it was so much fun. i smiled… like a little girl. when kids werent smiling at that point. lol… i wish i could stay like a little girl … i have a feeling i would. at times. appropriately. yeah.. so after centrepoint.. just went to slack a lil while… then went to OG at orchard pt.. and gee!!! i saw this really SEXY TOP at dorothy perkins!!! i’ll try to persuade my mum to finance me!! oh my god it’s really a darling.. it’s a satin top with black lace.. really sexy. i get horny just looking and feeling it. LOL. gee… but it’s kinda expensive – given my financial situation now. hee.. i can’t stop fantasizing. and know what? on my way home.. a malay kid said i looked like bapok.

 

yesterday my mum was reading this book on palmistry. and this is what it says of my fingers and my palm – my hand, that is:

 

1. i am unique and special (especially in my thinking) and loves to be individualistic.

2. i’m practical and realistic, calm, am able to carry out my work well.

3. warm and friendly, easily adaPtable.. but m not able to make good judgement

4. an impressionist, vainpot, attention seeker, one who wants to have good reputation and high executive positions

5. doesn’t want to get married, doesnt wanna get tied down by family or marriage life

6. artistic and creative, kind of looney, perfectionist

7. warm, friendly, generous, amiable, sociable

 

that’s all.. i dont think some of it is true…. but yeah.. 🙂 sadly it doesnt really tell me what my bad points are suppose to be. but i’d say, it’s jealousy and stubborness. hee…

 

 

personal. interpersonal. external.

it’s funny how things have turned that way 🙂 perhaps i created and allowed it to happen this way. oh well…. let bygones be bygones. speaking of that… i finally know why baygone is called baygone. they’re just playin with words. oh well.. cos i typed "let baygones be baygones" and i thought it was kinda funny.

 

mmm had a wonderful evening. went to seah st deli at raffles hotel. it was a gathering – my mum, her ex colleague (whom i can really click with despite our age difference), her mum.. and yours truly. it was funny…. going out with her has always been fun. she’s like so crazy… that’s why we probably can click. lol. yeah so anyway… i came late. and by then they’d more or less finished their food. so i tasted pork ribs and had half a bowl of chef’s salad all to myself. yummy.. after that, we went to ah teng’s for dessert. the "adults" had gula melaka and i had durian chendol. so nice! and well… being greedy… clara and i went to get pastries – hazelnut choco mousse and fruit tart from the bakery. it was very very nice.. i’m so bloated now. lol. shit. my days always end like that.

 

as i was walkin towards raffles hotel… walked into raffles city.. what a familiar smell. used to walk through there everyday…. it’s been a few months since i’ve been there. it’s my favourite place to shop. it’s got a kinda culture there, i dont know. i just feel special walkin there. it ain’t like marina square.. which is too big.. i dont know how to describe it. it’s just special – at least to me. probably it’s just mph. hahaha… walked pass esprit and saw winter wear. how nice.. reminded me of italy and japan…. hope i can revisit these places again. heh… italy was a few years before the death of the then-Pope John Paul…. at that time… he was already not in the pink of health. he was quivering so much… couldn’t really hear what he was saying. but that didnt matter.. since he was conversing in italian. it made my heart sore. especially when u get all emotional during cold, cold autumn.. with the rain soaking through ur clothes to ur skin. yeah.. it was raining heavily in autumn during the xmas mass at vatican city. 🙂 those were pretty nice memories…. oh well… i often had surprise xmas holidays.. recently… it’s gettin pretty rare. i hope somethin like that happens soon too.. hopefully to some winter country again. hehehe… yeah wishful thinkin i know.. but to dream is better than being all practical and having a gray life with no hopes and dreams… cow knows that very well. right, cow? hahahahaha

 

i wanna give a big big hug to my poly mates, wanni, wanting and cailing.. thank u for ur encouragement and letting me know that u girls care. i really appreciate that 🙂

disappointed

didn’t see my cow for a whole day. ONE WHOLE DAY!!!! sob… and i went to do a search on the pressie cow bought me. it aint cheap. u must be mad, cow  but i like what u gave me. thank u so much. heehee…

 

yesterday, i went for training. gee… it was… actually fun. lol though it was hard work… but i think i wasnt worked hard enough. when i was doing the sets… i couldn’t really work till the required reps. but yeah…. we did circuit training. rest like 10 sec after every set.. then off to the next equipment. i felt my heart beat accelerate… but i didnt perspire. ha.. must be the aircon. oh well… i’m committing myself to 4 days of gym now. increasing 1 day from my original plan off 3 days. i still have to look after my diet. after 3 weeks of careful selective eating / controlling of portions.. i went on a gorge spree on sunday. damn! yeah so anyway…. monday i start. and my dad had to make sri lankan chilli crabs!!! it tasted nicer than the one cow and i ate at newton though

 

so after training.. while i was waiting for isaac… went to get a soya bean ice cream. dont know if it’s really healthy, dont know if it’s a prohibited food.. but i just felt so contented when i could finally eat it.. i’ve been going there like thrice and their ice cream had just ran out. so… eating my yummilicious ice cream, i saw this australian elderly couple. wanted to ask them what were they doing there.. u know, make small talk. but being the ever-so-conscious singaporean…. i just let it go and hope they sense my warmth. which apparently. they wont. they’re not psychic man. so i continued enjoying my ice cream… and thoughts as usual came into my mind.

 

i got reminded of the past… and i thought about what pissed me off, the realisation of what kind of person i am as i gradually get older. i wonder what it takes for a team to co-operate and work together, while maintaining as best of friends. back in poly, we had problems with team members not giving their all. but work aside, we could communicate at a level in which we could not hold a grudge against a friend because she had not committed to the project. i think that’s very admirable. we’re truly dealing this maturedly. but… i realised not many people can deal with things in such a graceful manner. which i am truly disappointed.

 

when you talk about relationships between people, i came to this conclusion, that trust and understanding and of course communication plays a pivotal role. i hate it when someone doesn’t trust me. by not trusting me, it simply goes to say "hey, i have no faith in what u’re doing. i think u’re stupid, and i think u need a supervisor who’ll check the things u do" i dont think anybody likes to be treated that way. certainly.. nobody deserves such treatment. do they? they’d feel so insulted. i felt terribly insulted when one does that to me. and it just happened recently. i mean.. hello? i was given the task, and i’m bound to do it. if u recognise my credibility, (which obviously, u haven’t came to realise… ) i am a very responsible person. ask my peers, they’ll tell u. cast aside that benefit of doubt. i’m sure i’m not mentally challenged – to be able to miscount physical things, am i?(i think even people in MINDS can safely do accurate counting) put urself in a scenario. u’re suppose to count forms. u tell ur colleague how many forms are there. there’s a doubt on ur colleague’s face. IT takes the pile from u and starts counting. haha. u feel like a complete idiot don’t u? what does it say about ur colleague? IT doesn’t trust u. if IT doesn’t trust u, how can u ever work with IT? that’s another thing i’m really disappointed.

 

but then again.. some things… u can’t justify. u might want to open urself up to someone. but if he / she doesnt wanna listen or she can’t see things in ur perception, there is really nothing that u can do about it. well yeah u can.. by explaining urself over and over again. but some people just have skulls so thick, it’ll be godamn difficult to get ur point across. but then again… different strokes for different folks. perhaps i stroked some people in a wrong way. that’s why i often don’t get them to understand where am i coming from. this, i’m certain.. will improve with maturity and work experience.

 

thinking about the things i’ve said… i’m hell bent on leaving singapore. people here are just not open enough. tight cunts. and leaving here, i’ll be a better person, i’m sure.

u did well!

it’s been a long time since i last contacted a dear friend, thomas. and i’m glad to see that he’s excelling beyond excellence in his career. i feel happy for u. having a wife as intellectual as u are 🙂 i feel blessed too. few people can get to know people like u.. and i’m just one of the blessed people… who can get advise from successful people. and i’m thankful. come to think of it… it’s not that i don’t have friends. i have them everywhere. there are people who care for me…. just that i don’t have any regard / awareness of these people. i must be blind.

sigh

why am i eating so much? there must be some built-up stress in me….. though i dont know what that is.

 

this week had been a blissful week. the cow came visiting. it was good fun… had exquisite dining in the hotel room. dum briyani. took a pic. but can’t upload cos of my stupid hp cable – it aint workin. so anyway.. yeah.. it was very oily. but very very nice! next day had breakfast. superb. belgian waffles with custard and maple syrup. yummy and simply…. heaven! haa.. i like the layout in which the meals were presented. very nice indeed. so other than good food… had great chats. it’s really nice.. i havent felt so happy for a long time. thanks for coming, cow 🙂 mooooo. lol. please stop doing that to ur poor maid!

 

cow – my friend, my life teacher, my advisor, my professor. u’re a leader in every aspect. i wish i could have half ur brains. it’d be nice. haa…. thought me so many things. one that i can remember clearly.. was about the child, the adult and the parent. i guess i have everything in me. looking and observing me, i’m child-like. but in me.. i have adult and parent in me. but often more adult than parent. what do u think, moo? am i right? so i have perfect balance 😉 as u do too. thank u, thank u.

 

lately… gran has not been feeling well. fever at night…. i feel worried for her. but i guess.. i’m pretty prepared… i mean u know.. for the worst. she’s not gettin any younger……. my mum and i have already braced ourselves… but let’s not think of the worst circumstances. i really wish she’ll get well faster. she looks better now, compared to this morning. morning she was moaning… cos of the immense pain. but i felt disappointed in a few things….. in my family. but oh well.. i guess if u’re talkin to hard nut shells, u can’t do anything about it when they refuse to see in ur point of view. so.. i’ll just act the adult and try to see what i can do about it. 🙂

i should have known – i lost u

i should have known that from that very conversation onwards, i had lost you.

 

i must have done something very very worng in my past life – for people whom i want to be my best friends, to leave me.

 

you asked me if i knew about certain things. well, i don’t. how could i? you didnt even give me a chance to. u just disappeared from my life from that instance. i forgot when was the last time we had a good chat. perhaps it was that day before the quiz. oh well…. i guess. i accept it. i accept the fact that… i lost you.

 

and what is wrong with me? i guess i was wrong in pushing u. why did i assume? because u are doing things so differently now. in the past, if u were to skip lectures, u’d at least bother to tell me. now? u dont give a fuck. am i wrong to assume?

 

i’ve been wondering.. for days… what did i do to make things turn out this wya. i guess… it must be my harshness. fault on my part. being a friend, is to encourage your friend. but all i did was to blame u, to scold u, for ur stupidity. but i felt i was right, at that time. until i got too touchy i guess. i guess people don’t appreciate stuff like that. if i were you, i would have snapped too. it’s ur life after all. what i think wasnt worth it… is that u were drifting away from me. i guess i asked for it. since i was so harsh.. and u figured out u probably didnt need a friend like that… so u drifted away from me. what did we use to do? we used to sms a coupla times each day. now? we dont even talk for 2 weeks. that’s kind of nice u know, having such a friendship… if u still call that a friendship.

 

i try to ignore the fact that we aren’t talking. i just can’t. how can i go and talk to someone… whom.. from knowing her secrets, i now know nothing about her? is there anything left… to rebuild a new structure on? i don’t see any.

 

maybe i should just get on with life… and not worry about u anymore. i suppose u’ll have better friends. or u already do have good friends by ur side. you dont need someone like me to add to ur troubles. i wish u happiness.

detoxify

know what? i ate one super big meal at 12mn. to celebrate the coming of saturday. lol no! KFC!!! 1 Crispy Chicken Breast – 470cals; 1 Thigh – 370cals; Mashed Potatoes 120cals – that’s 960cals alltogether!!! cool! that’s about 60% of my daily calorie intake! wth!!! but never mind….. i’m just gonna detoxify today. lol as if it will help!!! but hey, i lost 2kg okay! in 2 months. bloody hell… it’s slow!!! something must be wrong….

 

i finally managed to get chocolate’s number. but it was only because… he wanted me to train under him .. since i wanted to take up personal training sessions. oh gee….. mmmmm….. i think it must be kinda silly to get sessions from him just to get close to him isnt it? oh well…. i’ll follow my mind this time!

 

i wanna watch step up!